The Menage a Trois: It’s said to be every man’s fantasy, and maybe it’s yours, too- but it can be intimidating. Of course, there are many flavors of threesomes- I’m going to address the M-F-F scenario here, but there are some good tips for everyone.
Full disclosure: (Ooh! Sounds Naughty.)
I’ve been both women in the threesome scenario. I’ve been in the couple that invites another woman in, (the host), and I’ve been the visiting woman, the guest.
For many years I wondered what the motivation for the guest could be. As a host, I’m having a sexy adventure with my partner that we can enjoy reliving together again and again, and she’s likely just having a one-night stand with us when she could be out having sex with single people. Later, I had my first experience as a guest and found that the advantage of being the visitor is that you’re the dang superstar! Being the guest is giving everyone that electric first kiss, helping a couple you’re attracted to have good sex, and hopefully having some yourself!
I know that there are sometimes three-ways where nobody is a couple, but that sounds like chaos, just two girls climbing over each other, hissing, trying to establish dominance. I have no tips for that one but hide your wallet and use condoms.
Good advice for the host:
- Despite what happens in porn, don’t invite your close friend, or someone you see all the time to join you in the bedroom. That can make relationships awkward. Do you really want your fella to know what having sex with your bestie is like? The internet gives opportunities to meet all sorts of people! Take advantage of it! In the 1950’s, you would have had to take a personal out in a swinger’s magazine distributed exclusively in truck stops to find a willing third. Now, you can put an app on your phone and screen partners over lunch!
- Concentrate on finding a woman you feel curious about- odds are good your honey will agree.
- Don’t pick someone as a third that either of you are romantically interested in – the situation is too complicated as it is. Be honest with yourself.
- Talk rules over with your partner and set boundaries beforehand. Would you prefer to limit sex to oral? Are there things you want your partner not to do? Discuss them with your new friend.
Good Advice for Everyone:
- Don’t rush in! Get to know each other, have a drink, flirt. The more comfortable you are, the more fun you’ll have.
- Don’t get too drunk- issues like communication, consent, and staying on the same page get harder to parse when you’ve had more than a few. I’ve been in situations where I had to say “You don’t have to get me drunk to sleep with you guys, I want to anyway!” Don’t judge me.
- Once the mood is right, make a move. Oh, so exciting! It’s like seven minutes in heaven but for grownups.
- Stay in the game. Even if the other two people are very busy with each other, caress or kiss and stay involved. Don’t sit back and pout if you’re the third wheel for a second! Manners are important.
- On the other side, when you’re in a threesome, don’t leave anyone out. Again, manners! Even if you just reach over to touch them, keep them involved and connected.
Good Advice for The Man:
- Always split your attention evenly between the women, and when in doubt, lavish more attention on your partner. If you’re having fun, and she is, too, you could be in this position again. Go to great lengths to avoid making her jealous.
Good Advice for The Guest:
- No matter what your typical bed style, try taking the beta position. You’re assuring the host that she’s the boss, and what she says goes. Pay the most attention to her. You’re not here to blow up her spot. Make her comfortable. A lot of the threesome experience is a show the two of you put on for him.
- If a member of the couple leaves the room, the game is paused. How would you feel if you walked in on your dude and another lady, even if you’d been with both of them moments before? Empathy is important. Despite lots going on, try to put yourself in the position of the other players and treat them how you’d like to be treated.
- Once the game is over, it’s probably best to find your panties and head home! If you see them again, maybe you can have a sleepover. The first threesome is a testing ground and is best kept on the short side. Be safe, be sweet, and have fun, you sexy so-and-so!