Hack the TEMPTU

Posted 25 CommentsPosted in artsy fartsy, costume, fashion, gay, Gothic, gothixxx

OK, this post is pretty specific.

I have been working on how to refill the TEMPTU pods with more dramatic makeup and wanted to share my results. This post probably won’t be interesting if you don’t use airbrush makeup and aren’t a goth with time on their hands. I will, however, show you how to airbrush a spider on your face. Also, please don’t look into the infinity of the mirrored hallways. You may travel backwards or forwards in time, but I really have no way of knowing which.

Update:  As per commenter Jon, hooking up the pro SP-35 to the pod system is easy- The hose that comes with the pod system has a large flange at the end that plugs into the wand. Just cut off that flange and press the hose right onto the barbed connector that comes with the SP-35. Works great.  Thanks to Jon!

Updated Updates: I ordered the new SE-50 lightweight gravity-fed gun for $75, and it has options for attaching to either the Temptu compressor or the Pro- Free yourself from the Pod and let go!

Temptu is now offering a package of hose adaptors here, let’s go crazy!

Updated Updates Updates: Now that Temptu is no longer at Sephora, if you buy the Pod system on Ebay and cut off the hose, you can use any airbrush gun and have a pretty cheap makeup airbrush system! 

Take a bit of time to experiment, so far no liquid makeup has worked as well as the Temptu makeup, but I’m sure you’ll find some!  The best consistency for base, highlighter, and color is  the consistency of half and half or whole milk- a little thicker than milk and not as thick as cream…

  I have owned two of the Temptu-sponsored airbrushes and can advise that  SE 50 is smaller and more lightweight, the smaller size means it’s a little more fussy/needs to be really DETAIL CLEANED over the big old SP35, which is better for body art and large areas-

Also, my new favorite thing to do with my airbrush is to paint my eyebrows on- find a nice brown color two shades darker than your hair and spray paint them on!  It looks so graphic!

Nobody Hates Themselves Like Asian Women!

Posted Posted in comedy, fashion, feminism, travel

Stand and Be Judged!

I was recently in Asia, and it seems that there is no segment of the world population that is more adorable and more self-hating than Japanese girls.  Everyone knows about double eyelid glue and tape, but  I became very attached to a product that looked like a potato peeler that was supposed to be rolled on either side of one’s nose to create a more Western nose.  This is, of course, impossible.  The nose is not made of silly putty and can’t be molded from the outside.  Most importantly, they all want to weigh under 100 pounds, regardless of height or build.

I bought a magazine in Narita airport so that I could pretend I had been to Japan, and found this article with  a hundred pictures of girls with the reasons all of their bodies suck.  One girl is thin, but her chest is *too* thin!  One girl accidentally formed a bicep muscle!  One girl’s body flaw is that her tits are too big.  HER TITS.  ARE TOO.  BIG.  Additionally, bitchy little insets from failed pop stars talk smack about these cartoon girls.
This is why anorexia is still Japan’s most popular hobby!    A popular surgery involves cutting a ligament so that one’s calf muscles atrophy and shrink away, leaving a stick-thin leg.  Pretty!  This makes me feel slightly better about the state that we’re in.  At least I’m allowed to work out and have muscles, instead of just starving myself puny.  I’m also glad to be back in the states because I don’t usually have this conversation at home:

Cassie: I saw your photo on Facebook!

Me: Oh, really?

Cassie: Yes, you looked very thin (indicating on face and neck where I used to be thin).  Were you thinner when you were younger?

Me: No, actually I came out this size.  I looked down and saw my mother’s bloody feet.  I exploded her.  Please pass the fried rice.

Do You Really, Realistically, Think You Can Avoid: Harem Pants?

Posted 4 CommentsPosted in comedy, costume, fashion, los angeles, portland

From May 2010

That is to say, do you think there’s any way you can get around wearing Harem pants, which were called Dhoti pants last time they came around, and later, pejoratively, Hammer pants?  Do you think you’re strong enough?

Will.I.Am is wearing them in Usher’s video about a woman whose boobies are so hot he has to say “Oh, My GOSH” repeatedly.

Gaultier and Levi’s have gotten together to make some.

Every man, woman, and child in Hong Kong is wearing them as if there is no other kind of pant available.

Hong Kong is so trend-conscious that you hit the street and see the same Comme De Garcons t-shirt twenty times and think, did I miss a memo?

2014 Postscript: According to the kids auditioning for So You Think You Can Dance, you can’t avoid Harem pants.  Nobody can. They call them Joggers though, which is dumb because no way should you jog in them.


Posted 1 CommentPosted in art, fashion, goth

It’s not every day you meet someone who is both beautiful and talented, but my lady A. Coghlan sent me a picture today inspired by A. Cooper that has knocked me out. I blush, I blush! A million thanks for this lovely pic. She is an illustrator that has been published in Gawker, The Indypendent, and has a lovely tee in the works on Threadless.

Grimly Fiendish

Posted Posted in artsy fartsy, costume, fashion, goth, Gothic, music

In case you are sitting on lots of holiday cash and don’t know what to do, I wanted to point out that Dave Vanian of seminal (huh huh) punk band The Damned has co-founded a high-end goffic makeup line called Illamasqua. Who better to do it than Dave? He’s been blending clown white and smudging black liner since Billy Joe Armstrong’s parents argued over whether the condom would hold. Anyway, Dave’s makeup line is is the culmination of my dreams in many ways.
Awesome things about Dave:

1. He is married to Patricia Morrison, formerly the bassist of Sisters of Mercy, and together they are the gothest couple ever. Everyone else should give up.

2. He once threatened to beat the tar out of Bauhaus’ Peter Murphy, for copying his “Vampire schtick”, not realizing that there was enough of it to go around for the UK, Germany, and the States for many years to come.

3. I have been in love with him, body and soul, since I was fifteen years old. All five foot six of him.

4. Screw you, Patricia Morrison!


Posted Posted in costume, fashion, gay, goth, Gothic, halloween
I Love Halloween

I have always loved Halloween. I think it’s tailor-made for girls- who doesn’t like dressing up and being rewarded with candy? Maybe I love it because I snared my first boyfriend in 8th grade at a Halloween party while dressed like Cleopatra and kicking serious asp.
In college, I rocked an Egyptian Cat Goddess (Bastet for the nerds) look with face fulla paint and a head fulla acid and met a different guy. We made a date for a couple days after, but I didn’t keep it when I realized he did not actually know what I looked like. Of course, being a suburban gothgirl meant that the day after Halloween was the optimal time to head to Michael’s MJDesigns and stock up on cheap-azz clown white and fishnets. Day of the dead, indeed!

Historical Document from 1987.

Modern Adult Costumes

I like that in America, adults still get to dress up, although I have been slightly annoyed that the women’s costumes are limited to some combination of Goth girl and whore. Maybe you’re right. Maybe there’s not a giant difference between the two. But really- I’m a sexy witch, I’m a sexy vampire, I’m a sexy cat, I’m a sexy maid, I’m a sexy corpse- and then the guys are all supposed to be inflated sumo wrestlers and ketchup dispensers? How is a sexy witch supposed to hang out with a sumo wrestler? And all the guys are so into pirates, but they’re not into dressing as hobos, the disabled, cross-dressing transient muggers of today.
It’s not fair.

But my point- and yes, I have one.

Children Ruin Halloween

1. There is a new horrifying phenomenon when sometimes lazy, whorish Mom’s outfits are handed down, so you see an eight year old dressed as Spooky Nurse Fuckalot. Here’s some candy, honey. No, I don’t want an enema.
2. Halloween is about fantasy, and children don’t need any more fantasy. I’m tired of hearing their bullshit stories about what supposedly happened at Grandma’s.
3. Kids refuse to keep their goddamned costumes on. Last year, I met a ninja who had lost his sword and taken his hood off, so what we were dealing with was: a midget in black pajamas. I ask you. Pirates have their eyepatches upside down on foreheads.  What kind of commitment is that to a “look”? No commitment at all.

Trick or treat is a farce, and as far as I can tell, it’s our fault. The little ghosts and goblins are home having their stashes rifled through by their paranoid, chocolate-starved parents by the time the street lights come on. I get home at 5:30, my house is egged and crudely spelled signs are stuck in my lawn already. Let me say- most of the time that candy is, god forbid, poisoned, it’s the kid’s own parents who do it, and I’m sure they have their reasons.

Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus

Posted Posted in acting, art, artsy fartsy, costume, fashion, portland

Recently Tivo recorded a film for me based on my interest in art stuff and Robert Downey, Jr., and so I watched a movie I’d never heard of called “Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus. The main message that I took away from this film, loosely based on a book based on a rumor based on the photographer’s life, is

Q: How can one discover one’s own artistic voice and vision?

A. To truly discover oneself as an artist, but one must first befriend, fully shave, make love to, bear witness to the suicide of, and then wear a coat made from the hair of, a dog-faced boy.

Q. Do you mean that metaphorically? Like, broaden your horizons?

A. No. I mean it literally. Go find yourself a dog-faced boy.

Q. Okay…thanks.

It was weird, and coming from me that’s saying a lot.