comedylong beachlos angeles

So Totally Cal


Darlings;

I have moved to Southern California, and because of my dayjob deep in Orange County, I am living in Long Beach.  I love Long Beach.  It is quiet but has some good bars and clubs, a good selection of goth, punks, and weirdos of all stripes, I can park on the street, I can ride my bike, and I can walk to the beach.  LA has the highest pedestrian and bicyclist injury rate in the nation.  That’s why nobody walks in LA, Dale Bozzio of Missing Persons fame!

I know it’s not Los Angeles.  I understand that.  Look, I used to give shit to people living in Beaverton that they didn’t live in Portland.   But I’m half an hour away from most of LA.  I know that because it can take an hour to drive 3 miles in Los Angeles, in your mind you think that 30 miles away is a 300 minute drive, but it’s not.

I am 25 minutes from Koreatown.  30 from Hollywood.  45 from Pasadena and Sherman Oaks.  I am 35 minutes from Santa Monica and Venice.  So stop asking me:

1. Are you visiting?  Yes, I just got in from LAX, which is closer to me than it is to you!

2. How long are you in town?  Arrrgh!

3. Are you staying the night in LA?  I can probably make it home, thank you.

4. Do you ever get out to Los Angeles?  Yes, about 3-5 times a week ,depending on what’s going on.

Now, caveat- I can never be anywhere in Los Angeles reliably before 6PM on weekdays.  But neither can you, darling.  Neither can you.