Listen To Me


Dear All;

This is a non-comedy topic.   I’m sorry if that’s weird.  I’m still thinking about the reverberations of #Yesallwomen, and still wondering why men got angry and defensive when women told their stories of being molested, threatened, and abused.

This topic hit close to home when a dear friend woke up to a strange man in her bed last month. She was confused and terrified.  She screamed at him until he retreated, called the cops, is still scared to death, and is moving out of her apartment.

When I tell this story to men, men who I think are decent, men who are dear friends, men I have dated, their reaction is nauseatingly consistent.  They have questions that sound a lot like blame.


Man 1 : Isn’t she on Xanax for anxiety?

A: What the fuck difference does that make?

Man 1: She might have heard him breaking in if she weren’t on medication.


Man 2: Well, hasn’t she worked as a dancer?

A: What the fuck difference does that make?

Man 2:  Well, someone might have fantasies about her.


Man 3: That seems like a lie.  Does she have a history of lying?

A: What the FUCK are you talking about?  My friend is fucked up and scared. What the fuck benefit would she have from making this up?

The only thing  I can think of is that men are so freaked out by the very real terror of being a woman, the very real fear that we carry walking around every day, that their only recourse is to deny it.  Well, that doesn’t really happen.  That wouldn’t happen to someone who didn’t “deserve” it.  That it’s made up.

I don’t know, what other explanation is there?



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One thought on “Listen To Me

  1. My theory is a little more cynical, I suppose. Less fear for someone else’s experience than fear of realizing one’s own potential to be responsible for causing harm. I’ve always figured it’s easier for men to question or deny in these situations because the sooner a given person accepts that things like this happen and the definition of harassment or threat is a lot wider than rape with a capital R and murder with a capital M, the sooner that person has to take a good hard look within and consider that some of the actions they’ve taken in their lives toward women, and specifically actions that were not intended to be harmful, and recognize that they’ve pulled their own shit with women that (regardless of the direct result of the action) was and is not appropriate.

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