National College Comedy Competition!

Posted Posted in comedy, los angeles

I’ll be judging Chapman college vs. LMU for the 2012 National College Comedy Competition at the Hollywood Improv at 7:30 tomorrow! I have to determine which is the funniest 20 year old white man! Which one will be funniest? Ah, to be young and unjaded comedy again!

  Postscript: Really enjoyed Arman Singh, and am sad that he will not be moving on.  A gentleman from Spokane was unwittingly telling the joke that Louis C.K. sued Dane Cook over.  Several gentleman had extended bits about Oompa Loompas, and I found it hilarious that the second one did not waver from his original direction after the first one had plowed that territory.  I had fun hanging out with fellow judge Jessi Campbell, who is very funny and who will destroy you at Words with Friends.  We high-fived when the fifth comic to take the stage was the first one who moved the microphone stand.  I was recognized as being on Portlandia, which is so weird to me, since my part is so small!  But I’ll take attention where I can get it, clearly.

A Deranged Millionaire

Posted Posted in artsy fartsy, comedy, fashion, long beach, los angeles, trivia

I knew that Long Beach was hosting this year’s illustrious TED talks,  but I was surprised to see Deranged Millionaire John Hodgman walking up my street.

I gave him the traditional surprised, over-excited nerd HI, which he shrank from, and I later tweeted him that I didn’t mean to yell HI at him.

You might wonder: How does a Deranged Millionaire dress to blend in seamlessly with the TED populace and pass undetected?

Why, he wears a navy arctic fleece half-zip pullover. 

It’s obviously a joke on the fact that people in SoCal will bundle up like Serbian prisoners when the temperature drops below 60 degrees.

I Loved Goth Juice

Posted 8 CommentsPosted in artsy fartsy, fashion, Gothic, los angeles, music, portland, vegan

Last week I headed to Lush, the store that makes soap out of food, to restock one of my primary staples- along with soy lattes, I am  propelled through the world by Goth Juice, the vegan hairstyling product inspired by the Mighty Boosh that I first loved here

I stood in the middle of the store and looked around, casually, and then with ever-growing confusion, until a nice girl with a fashionable haircut broke the news to me- Goth Juice, Made from the Tears of Robert Smith, had been dropped from the LUSH offering.   I  dropped to my knees and started gasping like a trout, and  regretted the carefree, sloppy vigor with which I had dispatched my last tub of product. 

If I had known, I said, I would have made it LAST, maybe frozen a little bit for a special occasion, like my marriage to Noel Fielding, or the funeral of the person who discontinued Goth Juice.

Purple.  Slippery but dry, like the SLIME toy that was sold in the 80’s until every carpeting had SLIME mashed liberally into it.  It smelt like pine trees, or like a linoleum floor that had been washed with something that smelt like pine trees.  Lightweight and evoking Vince Noir and gravity-defying satsumas.  Infinitely superior to the greasy King of the Mods, which inexplicably survives.  If no-one else loved you, Goth Juice, I loved you.


Do You Really, Realistically, Think You Can Avoid: Harem Pants?

Posted 4 CommentsPosted in comedy, costume, fashion, los angeles, portland

From May 2010

That is to say, do you think there’s any way you can get around wearing Harem pants, which were called Dhoti pants last time they came around, and later, pejoratively, Hammer pants?  Do you think you’re strong enough?

Will.I.Am is wearing them in Usher’s video about a woman whose boobies are so hot he has to say “Oh, My GOSH” repeatedly.

Gaultier and Levi’s have gotten together to make some.

Every man, woman, and child in Hong Kong is wearing them as if there is no other kind of pant available.

Hong Kong is so trend-conscious that you hit the street and see the same Comme De Garcons t-shirt twenty times and think, did I miss a memo?

2014 Postscript: According to the kids auditioning for So You Think You Can Dance, you can’t avoid Harem pants.  Nobody can. They call them Joggers though, which is dumb because no way should you jog in them.