Pulp Fiction Chronology- The Only Right One

Vincent and Mia from Pulp Fiction

After rewatching Pulp Fiction this week, I wanted a chronology of the film’s events. I knew it was something that nerds talked about, and I had seen a poster in a bathroom at a party laying them out once.

The first one I found was wrong- it listed Butch’s fight as the same night that Mia OD’s.

Another one posited all the events happened over two days. Wrong.

Another. Another. All incorrect. And it was that thing where once one incorrect version is posted, everyone else copies that and they’re all wrong. Vince changes clothes and goes to buy drugs the same day as Jules retires? No.

At first I thought- did Quentin screw up? And no, I realized. It’s because even movie nerds are idiots. Here’s the real thing.


  1. To begin with, Vince and Jules go get the briefcase. Opening with humor, buddy energy, and good times, the scene ends with them blowing a bunch of kids’ brains out.
  2. Surprisingly, they are ambushed by a fourth kid, who takes multiple shots and misses- this is the miracle that puts Jules on another path.
  3. Vince and Jules leave with Marvin the rat. Suddenly, Vincent accidentally shoots him. Worth noting that when they get in the car, Jules puts his safety on, and Vince, the hothead addict, does not.
  4. The Terrible Two go to Jimmy’s house and call Marcellus, who calls The Wolf. They clean the car, get hosed down, and leave, wearing Jimmy’s shorts and t-shirts. Apparently, Jimmy went to school in Santa Cruz.
  5. The Wolf, Vincent, Jules, and what’s left of Marvin go to Monster Joe’s Auto Yard. They part ways. Vincent invites Jules to breakfast.
  6. They discuss the Wolf, bacon, and divine intervention.
  7. Meanwhile, Pumpkin and Honey Bunny have a conversation about the best places to hold up. Movie begins here.
  8. Next, Vincent goes to the bathroom.
  9. Suddenly- Pumpkin and Honey Bunny hold the place up.
  10. While Pumpkin sees what’s in the briefcase. Honey Bunny interjects and they have a Latinx Standoff with Jules, which escalates when-
  11. Vincent comes out of the bathroom. Pumpkin and Jules come to an understanding that Jules will walk out with Marcellus’ briefcase.
  12. Afterward, Jules and Vincent leave the diner. Movie ends here.
  13. Marcellus talks to Butch in the bar, explaining how he’s going down in the 5th round. Many people assume that the fight is that night, but Marcellus doesn’t say “tonight.” He says “the night of the fight.”
  14. Paul lets Jules and Vincent into the bar. Paul teases Jules about going out with Mia the next night. Jules leaves his position with Marcellus.
  15. Butch finishes his business with Marcellus and has an unpleasant interaction with Vince. We don’t see it, but Butch goes outside and keys Vincent’s car, a Chevy Malibu. The next thing we know, it’s:


  1. Jody and Trudy are discussing body piercing. Vince is there to buy heroin from Jody’s husband Lance. He bitches that someone has keyed his car “a few days ago”, he shoots up and goes to pick up Mia, high as shit.
  2. Mia and Vince go to Jackrabbit Slim’s and have a weird time. Mia describes the plot of Kill Bill to Vince.
  3. They return to Mia and Marcellus’ house in Beverly Hills, Vince goes to the bathroom and gives himself a pep talk about being appropriate with Mia. Mia finds Vince’s heroin and od’s. They return to Lance’s house, Vince crashing the car into the house.
  4. Suddenly, Mia gets a shot in the heart of adrenaline. She comes around immediately. Vince drives her home and they agree to never say anything to Marcellus about their adventure. It is now:


  1. First, Captain Koons (a descendent of Crazy Craig Koons in Django Unchained) visits a young Butch and discusses where to hide a wristwatch in a prisoner of war camp. Many people put this first in the chronological order, but it is a flashback that is happening to Butch between rounds of a boxing match. When Butch wakes, he has a moment of clarity and knows he won’t throw the fight. Blackout.
  2. Next, Butch jumps out of a window into a Dumpster while Esmerelda listens to a radio broadcast announcing that he killed his opponent.
  3. Then, Paul and Vincent walk down the hall at the match to find Marcellus. Mia answers the door. Vincent gingerly asks Mia if she’s OK, she responds robotically that she’s great, and that she meant to thank him for dinner.
  4. Afterwards, Butch has a very sexy cab ride where he learns he killed his opponent. He calls his partner and finds out how much money he won betting on himself.
  5. Later, Butch arrives at the River Glen motel, (at the corner of Riverside and Glendale in Silverlake) and greets his adorable child-bride Fabienne. They make love and go to sleep.
  6. The next morning, Butch discovers his watch is missing. He flips out and leaves to retrieve it.
  7. Now, Butch enters his old apartment and gets the watch, no problem. He notices a strange gat on the counter, picks it up and shoots poor Vincent as he leaves the bathroom. Vince never got to finish his book.
  8. Butch leaves the apartment and drives toward the hotel, he’s in Atwater/Frogtown at Larga and Fletcher. Apparently, his apartment is about half a mile from the hotel. He’s surprised to see Marcellus Wallace, crossing the street with a box of donuts. Apparently, now that Jules has quit, Marcellus has to do a stakeout with Vince. Butch hits him with the Honda and escapes on foot after crashing the car into a pole.
  9. Finally, Marcellus follows Butch into the pawn shop, where shit gets seriously weird. Butch decides to save the man who wanted to kill him. They make peace with one another and Butch picks up Fabienne. The chronology is over.

And there you go! You have now read the only correct chronology of Pulp Fiction. Congratulations!

How To Make The Perfect Blade Runner Movie!

What will we need to make the perfect Blade Runner movie?

Something boiling 

Neon in the rain

Fetishy latex jackets

Crowds of pedestrians in weird masks

Wet sex workers


Giant buildings shaped like pyramids  

Street food/night markets 

That opthamologist setup where lenses are flipped with other lenses 

High contrast lighting 

Inexplicable accents 


Printed photos

CRT screens


Lens flare

Eyes: close up, tattooed, missing

Serial numbers on everything

Harrison Ford holding a square glass tumbler




Slow ceiling fan 


What else?

How To Make A PERFECT Guillermo Del Toro Film!

guillermo del toro horror goth funny

Let’s ?Make A ? Guillermo Del Toro Film!

What will we need?

Smoke wafting through air

Blood wafting through water

Blood wafting through air (ghost blood)


Ron Perlman


Specialized Metal Containers

Tools with Extensive Wear and Aging

A Fish Guy Who Loves Eggs

Mechanical toys

Intricate Clockwork

Catholic stuff

Gold/Amber colors

Stilts! More stilts! Additional stilts!

Robots Made of Clockwork Steampunk Shit

Children/Orphans/Dead Parents

Spanish Civil War

Vampires that are close to being vampires but are not really vampires, like slant rhyme vampires

Hand and Face wounds

Ghosts oh god so many beautiful ghosts

Doug Jones in a rubber suit

Eyes in places they should not be

A Jarred fetus, other Mutter museum stuff

A character who was born different, with special abilities, but who would trade it all to be “normal”

Elaborate carved stone labyrinths, waiting for circuits to be connected with blood

Breakfast Club Revisited

I have now watched Breakfast Club for my personal jillionth time. I still think it’s a movie that holds up over the years, but I have the following questions about the “Happy” ending.

1. Molly Ringwald is overjoyed to have started a relationship with a commitmentphobe alcoholic with rage problems, who screams and stabs desks with knives. Great. I don’t have to point out that every teenage girl who watches this film is in love with John Bender. Apparently, we want to spend our adult years in probation hearings and Al-Anon meetings. A girl who goes out with nerdy Brian has a life of high-end Silicon Valley condo-living ahead of her, and anyone who winds up with Andy will just watch him gain weight after he tears his ACL wrestling but continued to eat a bag of groceries at every meal.

2. Emilio Estevez winds up with a fantasist kleptomaniac pathological liar who showed up to detention because she had nothing better to do, which is like if I showed up at a prison to do time for no reason. He is also overjoyed.

2a. What, is that white shit she’s wearing supposed to be her underwear? She’s wearing frilly long johns underneath her outfit like she’s a Mormon? What is her hair tied back with, her panties?

A Henchman’s Letter

First of all, let me say, I’m really excited to be joining your team of henchmen.  When I saw the ad on Craigslist, I thought, this might be my path out of depression, self-destruction, and debt, and I get my own leather jumpsuit!   I’m excited about backing you up when you show up places and make big pronouncements and call for the action of the Target so that we can lure him into a trap.  I’m proud to be your muscle and your backup.  You’re a big man, and I love being a part of the operation you’re building here.   That  being said, I want to clarify your expectations of me.

1. I’m a minor character, so I’m never going to be a sureshot.

If I’m shooting at your Target, I’m never going to so much as wing him.  I’m a minor character.  I am only ever referred to as HENCHMAN #2.  I’m never gonna land anything, no matter how many hours I spend on the firing range.  If I’m lucky, I’ll accidentally shoot another henchman and he’ll yell at me for comic effect.

2. If the Target seriously hurts me, I’m going to go seek medical attention, not fight him to the death.

I’m an hourly employee.  I’m not going to risk my life on this shit.  If I’m losing blood and fighting the Target on top of a collapsing tension bridge?  I’m gonna get the fuck off the bridge and get some stitches and some painkillers and go home and watch The Voice.  

 I’m not your Mom.  I’m not motivated by superhuman loyalty or revenge.  I’m working for just over minimum wage.   I don’t even get Medical, we’re all independent contractors because Aetna would be really curious about all the claims your henchmen make for being strangled and shot and burned and bitten by sharks.  It’s not worth it.   You didn’t know I loved The Voice?  There’s a lot you don’t know about me.  Work-life balance.  Look it up.

3.  Lastly, I’m human.  I make mistakes.  When I tell you that the Target has escaped and I honestly apologize and tell you it won’t happen again, don’t tell me you know it won’t and be creepily affectionate towards me (which I LOVE, I didn’t grow up with a Dad, obviously) and then kill me.  I’m doing the best I fucking can.  Your Target is an Oxford-educated international spy in constant contact with a support network keeping track of his every move and feeding him information.  You know I didn’t even finish high school, man.

Thanks so much for reviewing this!  Now, let’s get out there and build an evil empire!

Regards, Henchman #2

Camp KP3D

So, I was out in the Catskills, and we made movies with our phones, and played with a dog, and sat around a campfire, and heard all about chemtrails.  Thanks to everyone.

This is the film I made about the history of the campsite, Cold Spring Lodge.

Here is a post with all our movies, they make mine make a little more sense but not much more.

Thanks to all.

Thanks go to:

Thanks to Pony for teaching me the eternal optimism of the little dog at the dinner table.
Thanks to Lisa Beth Johnson for making me want to throw up by putting tinfoil in her own mouth, and also for lending Sofiya a dance dress
Thanks to Sofiya Alexandra for being my best girl, but reminding me that Todd is always around to steal my best girl
Thanks to Brandon Vaughn for letting me know I should never take him to Brunch, and for never being more than one moment from mentioning Wolverine or Anne Rice
Thanks to Dennis DiClaudio for filming my clown obsession projected from his own brain, and for teaching me that odes to gothgirls and sea shanties should both be waltzes
Thanks to Matt Tobey for his amazing acting and joke writing.  Like, wow.
Thanks to Franky Pelvis for letting me sing A-Ha and Bowie and Pixies/JAMC with him, and letting me play his guitar when I whined about it, and in general for rocking
Thanks to Mike Wiebe for making me feel like a woman.
Thanks to Jason Roeder for teaching me to walk like a man.
Thanks to Josh Abraham for being me cameraman and wingman, and for drawing me as a drag Cruella De Vil.
Thanks to Todd Sentz for teaching me what it might be, after all
Thanks to Steve Douglass for helping me write the women’s lib porn that’s gonna set the industry on its ear.
Thanks to Ahm Seventysix for being the roommate who listens to the much cooler dead person, and for teaching me what a well-orchestrated look is.
Thanks to Darci Ratliff for your amazing work, games, Mad-Libs, organization, and for bringing us together.