Category: comedy

The Dutch Treats are Coming!


Many many years ago, an “afflicted” young man picked up a guitar and threw it on the floor while muttering something about Webster’s Emmanuel Lewis. Thus, the Dutch Treats were born.    The Dutch Treats achieved legendary underground status in their twin hometowns of Denton and Dallas, Texas since first “playing out” in 1990, and later took Brooklyn, NY by storm, filling the storm drains with absurd rockin’ goodness until it flowed out into the streets.  Seventeen years of songs about Chewbacca, Men at Work’s Colin Hay, underage crack whores, dwarves, elves, and wizards later, they are debuting in Portland at the revival of the Hive at Plan B on Sunday, September 2.


And here’s the world-famous video for the Dutch Treats song, Close Your Robe. It’s been banned in fifteen countries, and all of Scandinavia.

Come enjoy the music of the man who taught us that bacon+Dr. Pepper=ROCK.

Postscript: What can be said about the event of the century? If you can’t put your finger on what made it so special, go to Wikipedia and cross-reference “annoyed bike messengers who thought they had booked the room for a party” with “confused, overheated goths” and “drinking adventure!”  Johnny Murder, consummate professional, played a great set for his fans.

48 Hours With Eddie Izzard and Eddie Brill

I am happy to report I got to see my hero, Eddie Izzard, do a show in Seattle last weekend. I was surprised that the ever-helpful Seattle Stranger curiously promoted the (sold-out) show as being titled “Work in Progress”, as it actually was a work in progress. No merch, no tour, no makeup or Uma Thurman breasts (which Wikipedia claims his Sexie rack was modeled from). This set had ramblings about history, language, war, 300, sharks, Wikipedia, Alien, and a fly that hit him in the face onstage. If it sounds like established Eddie, it is, but with new directions, ideas and punchlines, and further honing of his own Eddie-ness.

He got a little upset at the PNW tendency of the crowd to scream “WHOO!” at random times, “stemming his flow”, but I hope that he understood on some level that we are just so filled with love for him that it occasionally escapes our bodies with a high-pitched “woo” noise. I was so excited that I didn’t have to fly to El Lay to see one of these, I didn’t mind driving from Portland and back in 24 hours.

I had to get back to town to do a comedy workshop with the guy who books for Letterman, veteran comedy scenester Eddie Brill. It was super-great and educational, and he told me about visiting a comedy club that Eddie Izzard ran in London, which may be called Screaming Blue Murder, and I didn’t know ever existed. After spending the day working on my act with him, I now feel free to drop his name at every opportunity. Example: “Well, as my good personal friend Eddie Brill, Letterman’s comedy booker, says: I’d love a Grande Soy Latte.”

Update: A couple of years later, Eddie Brill lost his job booking for Letterman because when asked why there had only been 8 female comics in the history of the show, he said that those were the only women who were funny.   He did hundreds of these comedy workshops, and none of those comics ever got booked on Letterman.  Later, Letterman retired, one day we will all be dead, etc.

Portland Amateur Comedy!

At long long long long last, the Portland Amateur Comedy Contest is over! It’s over, there’s no more contest! It’s over, it’s over! I’m number two! I’m really happy. I’m happy it’s over. The final results are:
1. Richard Bain.
2. Virginia Jones and Nathan Brannon tied for #2
3. Veronica Heath, professional!
4. Tim Cornett, Auslander!
If you came out, thanks so much! Especially Sul, who got lost and then still came. Really and truly, having so many friends there made me the real winner. Please enjoy this video, which will answer the question, “What if I could look up her nose on the Internet?”

Just What?

Just Whites- I don’t think that this kind of intolerant baking product has any place in a post-Imus political landscape, do you?  (RIP 2019 Don Imus, I guess)

Grand Theft Pizza Party!

This Wednesday the 9th, come see a GREAT comedy variety show at Ash Street Saloon at 9PM- Grand Theft Pizza Party! Hosted by the very funny Andy Wood, see sets by Bobby Hacker, Holli Pappan, Virginia Jones and the PNW’s legendary Dwight Slade, short videos, and sketch comedy from THEM, featuring the former cast of the Famous Mysterious Actor show- Also, we’ll get a visit from world-renowned motivational speaker Ed Foreman!

Bad Dog Alert!


Her name is Lola, and she’s a showgirl. She’s been spotted causing trouble and shoplifting at local vegan grocery store Food Fight. She claims that there have been misunderstandings, and that she just has what are known as “sticky paws”. Sometimes a cute face hides evil intentions.

Celebrity Ice Cream

With the history of Ben Jerry’s celebrity ice cream flavors, starting with Cherry Garcia and Phish Food and Stephen Colbert’s Americone Dream, the name of Willie Nelson’s Peach Cobbler is disappointingly average. The Pulitzer Prize-winning Oregonian tries to counter the mediocrity with a celebrity ice-cream naming contest for a nominal prize.   Here are my entries, don’t steal ’em.

1. Morrissey’s William, It Was Really Nothing Like Sherbet

2. Prince’s Purple Rain…Bow Sherbet

3. John Popper’s Blueberry Traveller- Now, with hidden arsenal flavor! or, John Popper’s Obese Gun Nuts.

4. Robert Smith’s Icing Sugar Smoothie ( a joke for the real ones)

5. Michael Richard’s N is for Nougat Swirl

6. Britney Spears’ Oops, I’m Nuts!

7. Marilyn Manson’s Mechanical Animal Crackers

8. Beck’s Mellow Golden Caramel

10. Prince’s Caramel-Colored Funk or Prince’s Under The Cherry Spoon

11. Nick Drake’s Pink Moon Pie

13. Snoop’s Doggy Chow

Postscript: Well, the results came out and the winner of a motorized ice-cream scooper was for “Dick Cheney’s Go Fudge Yourself.” I guess the world’s not ready for the truth!