How do you know comedian Virginia Jones? You met her at karaoke, or at goth night, or at goth karaoke. You know her as a female comedian. Perhaps you went on a couple dates but you didn’t like dating someone smarter than you, or else she was too fat. Maybe you used to be married to her, and you’ve been asked not to check her website anymore. Possibly you feel like you know her because you’re also into goth stuff, music, funny essays , fashion, and comedy content. Keep your eyes on www.badinia.com for articles on how to write a Tom Waits song, how to kiss girls and much, much more!
I’m Virginia Jones-
Comedian, writer, actor, and goth. Thanks for checking in.
I’m into music, art, and fashion. Click on links at the top of the page for my press kit or any upcoming dates, or click around for my best articles on comedy, goth, art, costumes, music, love and dating, feminism, and other stuff.
I’d also love it if you checked out my album, Gothic American, on Spotify or Itunes.
Let’s Write A Tom Waits Song. We’ll need:
A beautiful woman with a sad past
A hundred year old bartender who knows all the stories from the old neighborhood
A Battered Suitcase
A Toy Piano
A Sailor, Or A Bunch Of Them
An All-Night Diner
A Circus 20 Years Past Its Prime
and now we’re done!
In these uncertain times, a service that sets up comics with interactive online shows has sprung up and offered me a spot, so here’s my profile on Paragon. They offer comedy sets, DJ dance parties, virtual drag shows, and a guy who’ll show you how to make pickles. It’s the brave new world of comedy! Let’s party on Paragon!
It happens to everyone. Someone we were dating disappears, and we want to know what to do about it. In a 40’s detective novel, we’d throw on a dirty overcoat and hit the streets and track them down, but now we just want to know…what happened?
Maybe they came on strong, pouring on the charm. But then, you stopped hearing from them, and you can’t stop wondering about it.
The first time I was ghosted, it shocked me. I had been seeing the person for nine months, and I thought if they weren’t responding to me, they must be in prison or in rehab. Honestly, either one would have been a great idea for that person. Finally, a close friend had to tell me- dude, he’s okay. He’s just gone. And she was right.
Years later, the same friend asks me- I met this guy at the airport, we had crazy chemistry, we went on some dates, but now he’s gone silent- how do I get him to write me back?
I gave it to her plain- you gotta stop talking to him.
Exasperated, she told me, “No, you don’t understand, he’s already stopped talking to ME. Not talking to him is, at best, a moot point.”
“What everyone tells me”, she continued, “is to sit back and play it cool, and to let him pursue me. But what if I don’t want to play it cool? What if I want to reach out? Why can’t I do that? Shouldn’t I be able to do what I want? I don’t like playing games.”
“You absolutely can do that”, I assure her. “And you might see him again. But he’ll disappear again, and you’ll be back in this same spot. You can’t change him or his behavior.”
I see people finding my dating articles online with the same search terms again and again- how to respond to breadcrumbing. What to do if you’re ghosted. How to reconnect. Just about everyone has had a moment when they wanted to hear from someone that they weren’t hearing from. I’ve finally figured out the solution, and that is to forget them!
The truth is this: everyone wants to know how to change someone’s mind. If anyone had the answers on how to get someone back, they’d be a multi kajillionaire. They’d be hiring Jeff Bezos to shine their shoes. Turning someone towards you who has turned away- that’s the one thing nobody can really do, despite what the cosmetics, fitness, and apparel industries advertise. They pad their margins based on the hope that we can control something we can’t- “I can’t seem to forget you, your Wind Song stays on my mind!”
Think about it. How many times have you heard the story: “We met online. He came on strong, told me I was beautiful. We went out a few times and it was really great. Then, he stopped responding to my messages. But I waited it out and really played it cool, and then one day I sent him just the right cat meme, and now we’re getting married at Disneyland.”
Oh that’s right, you’ve never heard it.
I told her, the thing is, you’re not playing it cool for this guy. He’s gone. He’s in the wind. You’ll run into him later at one of those bars that looks like a laundromat until you press the soap dispenser and a dryer door opens into the main room.
You’re playing it cool so he won’t waste more of your time.
You’re not going to get good results from him. You’re just moving him aside so you can keep looking for the person that will pursue you, who will be consistent, who will be as interested in you as you are in them.
A few days pass and my friend calls me again. She reached out and got a couple of texts from the guy, was exuberant for a minute, but then he was gone again. At this point, he’s a sunk cost- she can pour more time and emotion into it, but she’s not getting anything back.
So much of dating is editing. Our grandparents, great-grandparents, might have courted, or been courted by, fewer than a handful of people before they got married. Modern singles can meet that many people in a weekend. Most of those people won’t be the one.
So, all the advice about hanging back and being aloof- it isn’t meant to change the person who has already let you down. It’s to free you up and find the person who won’t.
I have decided when I start performing live again it will be as a mediocre white man. I envy the way they promote each other, and back each other up in times of trouble. They’re friends to the end, even if their friend is a pedophile. They don’t have to be that funny, because they support each other and raise each other up. Meet Hacky Sack. I will only be writing for, and performing as, him in the future.
Andrew Max Levy, a talented guy, @justoffthesix on Instagram, has been photographing LA comics and comedy shows for years. He recently made an offer to photograph Angelenos who had donated to #blacklivesmatter, and scheduled over 70 shoots. I was so glad to be part of an important fundraiser and get some nice shots.