Well, we’re all winners, because we all got to tell jokes and hang out at the 5th annual Bridgetown Comedy Festival, which was widely regarded as The Best Yet, but here are some of my random thoughts on the event:
My Shortest Attendance Of A Party, Ever: The promotional shindig for the Riot, LA’s alternative comedy festival- I got there at 1, I gave Pete Holmes a hug and watched Lachlan Patterson pretend to play the harp, the cops busted it at 1:10 and we were bringing our noise disturbance to the street.
Person Who Is The Best Partner For An Extended Interpretive Dance: Jono Zalay
Best Sex Talk: Jon Glaser
Most Multi-Talented: Mary Mack
Most Amazing Dancer Besides Me: Guy Branum. Way to play to the stereotype, baby.
Least Surprising Winner of a Trivia Contest Who Is Nonetheless Very Fun To Play With: TV Geek Paul Goebel.
Third Person To Get Engaged At or Near Bridgetown, That I Know Of: David Cope
Most Amazing, Most Giving, Most Funny, Most Worshipped: Maria Bamford
Dummy Most Likely To Have Her Badge And ID Stolen By Drunk Sluts At An Afterparty: Me
Best Combination Of Funny and Good Hugs: Tim Harmston
Hottest Person With A Fiftieth Birthday: Dwight Slade
Most Incredible Sensual Bird Mime: Kurt Braunholer
Funniest Person I Can’t Believe I Hadn’t Heard Of: Dave Hill. Smart, surreal, and very rock-and-roll- seriously, he’s amazing.
Most Talked About In Reverent Tones Of Adoration: James Adomian
Best Impression Of An Effeminate Southern Coin Collector: David Crowe
Show Which Had No Indication Of Being Well-Attended And Great: Hawthorne Lounge Portlandia Show, where we did comedy to the sounds of Guitar Wolf being played next door
Person Who Most Worried Me That He Would Fall Off The Large Thing He Had Climbed Onto, And Mar My Show With His Death: Patrick Keane
The Best Erotic Fiction About Star Trek And Mythology (lifetime award): Mike Drucker
Best Place To Meet Other Comics on a Delta Flight: The SLC-PDX leg from the Mormon-infested west coast hub. I met one comic I knew and three I didn’t, but whom I identified from their bitching about being asked to host shows.
The Most Disturbing Portrait of Dora The Explorer: Aparna Nancherla
Most Amazing After-Party DJ: April Richardson
Most Likely To Be Mistaken For Each Other: Whitmer Thomas and Christian Ricketts
Least Twinlike Brothers: The Walsh Brothers (FLIPPING HILARIOUS)
Most Adorable: Alex Gavlick
Most Excited Fans: Tim Heidecker
Most People Showing Up For His Show Who Were Sad That He Was Stuck In Yakima, WA: Joe Frice
Most Hilariously Upside-Down Show: The Closing Show at the Bagdad, where Doug Benson, Todd Barry, and Matt Braunger opened so that they could run to other shows
Simply Wonderful: Rory Scovel
Most Discussed Panel: The Humor Code, where scientific mind Myq Kaplan and Superstitious Wunderkind Pete Holmes discussed theories about what makes things funny, and Mary Mack was kept down by the Man who would not supply her with a microphone. Because The Man is afraid of The Truth!
Person Who I Stalked At The Coffeeshop The Most: Jake Barker
People I Most Wanted To See And Did Not Manage To See (aka The Bridgetown Curse): Janeane Garofalo and Claire Titelman.
Almost Too Fun To Hang Out With: Janine Brito
Strangest Internet Distinction: Bridgetown Comedy Festival has the odd distinction of becoming Twitter spam: bots are tweeting “BRIDGETOWN COMEDY FESTIVAL BLOG: THE WRAP-UP” today.
Hardest-Working Behind-The-Scenes (TIE): Volunteer Coordinator Charlene Conley, Logistics Manager Rylee Newton, Hospitality Manager Helen Vank, Transportation Coordinator Amanda Pants, and Organizer and COO Andy Wood. Thanks everybody!