comedyportland

Adventures in Casinos- Spirit Mountain Edition!

I told a secret to a wolf at Spirit Mountain Casino.
Last night I did a comedy show with one of my favorite ladies, Susan Rice, at Spirit Mountain Casino in Grand Ronde. It was one of those shows where we performed to people who did not know they were being performed to, and who mostly just wanted to eat oversized desserts and then go put their money in plasma-screen slot machines. However, we soldiered on, had fun, and tried to maintain a PG-13 rating.

I got up this morning to return to civilization, using my food voucher to secure a soy latte for the road. It is never clearer that I am far from home than when I visit a casino coffee shop.br /I was sold a bagel, which was wearing a sticker proudly proclaiming that it was fresh on Tuesday. I decided not to eat it, but it functioned very well in the car as kind of a cinnamon-raisin air freshener. They do have soy milk- score!- but the barista asks if I have a food allergy, or if I “make a choice” not to drink milk. I explain to her that I am a total pain-in-the-ass vegan. People really seem to prefer when it’s not a moral stance- if I just had a lactose allergy, it wouldn’t be a judgement on her life.br /I also have a personalized coffee cup with all my favorite stuff on it that I got at Star*ucks, and carry from town to town like a security blanket- if you want the same one, you can download the art here, or use it as a template for your own amazing tumbler! As I handed it over, the very sincere barista asked if I would mind if she made my coffee in a paper cup, like regular, and then poured it into my travel cup. I pointed out to her sweetly, that really doesn’t save a tree, does it? And she said, oooooh. I guess not!

Oh pinko Portland! How I love thee!

Nothing can prepare you for casino life. Wolf shirts are worn without irony. People smoke cigarettes INSIDE. You think you can take it? I’d like to see you try!