My Utterly Complete Shit List

This is a list of reasons I am not speaking to other comics, it’s a funny meditation on the things we allow to divide us even though we’re all gonna be dead someday.

People I am Not Speaking To For Sexual Misconduct Reasons

People Who Defended Other Comics To Me, I.E. How Do You Like Your Cosby Now? 

I Unfriended You Because Another Comic Asked Me To And They Are Back To Being Your Friend, So Fuck Me 

I Am Scared To Speak To You Because I Might Have You Confused With Another Comic 

I Refuse To Speak To You Because You Hurt My Feelings For Something I Don’t Remember What It Is

You Bought A Car From Me And Never Registered It And Never Paid Me For It (Specific)

I Basically Like You But Had To Turn Off Your Thirst Trap Feed

You Never Found A Spot For Me On A Show You Stopped Booking Years Ago

I Have A Crush On You And Am Embarrassed About It 

I Understand That You Do Comedy But Not Why 

I Understand That Other People Find You Funny But I Don’t 

I Envy Your Career But You Close On A Poop Joke 

Comics Who I Am Scared To Speak To Because I Think They’re Mad At Me For Something

You Are Too Extra For Me To Personally Cope With And I Feel Guilty But There It Is

You Have Never, Not Once In Your Life, Stayed To Support A Show After Your Set
General Shit List

Follow Me!