In earlier posts, I have covered backhanded compliments from comic to comic, and insulting compliments a comic can get from the crowd, but comics of course bullshit about themselves, too. Here are some of our favorite lies to tell each other, or ourselves. And honestly? Whatever it takes to get you through the night. I’ve been to MJ Barleyhopper’s. Here are possible answers to:
How was your show?
1. Great crowd!
Maybe it was a great crowd. Maybe it was 8 people who didn’t speak English, waiting for the Keno numbers. Maybe it was all ten people who won tickets on the radio. The comic figures you don’t know anyone in Pig’s Snout, Arkansas anyway, and prays you didn’t talk to his headliner.
2. Wow, they had a lot of energy!
3. I killed!
I’m going to kill myself.
4. I had a lot of fun!
I didn’t get paid.
5. I learned a lot!
They’re never, ever having me back, ever. I dug myself a hole so deep, I had to take a bar candle down there to see my notes.
6. They were a party crowd!
They spent my whole set drinking and trying to go home with members of their families. They had no idea what I was doing there.
Remember, if you smile while you eat it, it makes your shit sandwich go down better. Also, it looks better in photographs.