Trendy Trainers For The Evening Before The Morning After!

Trendy Sneaks Squeeze Some Cardio From Your Walk Of Shame!

Great trainers to wear out for a wild night out that will get you home safe tomorrow, including:
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  • These glitzy Bedazzled Chucks dress any outfit up and help you get back for when you get dragged out to Long Island to try to find the D. 
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  • Metallic Platform Trainers: The supercool space age-option for when you need to get back in your own space! Great for hooking up with the guy who won’t stop talking about Elon Musk!

Fall Fashion Preview: It’s Plaid Again, Morons!

Photo by Godisable Jacob from Pexels

A Letter From The Editor of Vogue Magazine

Welcome to our big Fall Fashion issue! It’s HUGE and HEAVY and GLOSSY and you could really knock someone around with it. 

We’ve got food, diet, and skin trends, but let’s face it, you’re all here for the same thing- the FALL FASHION PREVIEW! It is LEGEND. It is the Christmas Mass of fashion magazines- everyone shows up once a year!

The Wind-Up

After this editor’s letter we’ve got the table of contents, a list of the celebrity photographers who aren’t cancelled yet, a Gucci ad, another Gucci ad, and BOOM here it is, it’s been gossiped about and worried over for six months: what’s the hot trend for fall? 

The Pitch

It’s plaid again, ya dumbshits! It will always be plaid! It’s back to school, so every woman alive is dressing like she’s showing up to Saint Lucy Of The Bleeding Eyes. 

It’s because men keep this fantasy of women with knee socks and short plaid skirts long after their own kids graduate college.

I mean, if you want to know- that’s not really why. 

It’s because in 1945, the UK wool industry, drunk on military production, had overruns they could not handle. They convinced Vogue Magazine to promote wool plaid for Fall 1946. Business being what it is, we HAVE to do wool plaid as a fashion trend EVERY FALL or the ENTIRE INDUSTRY WILL COLLAPSE. We have all signed a binding document, witnessed by Harry S. Truman and Winston Churchill, tying us to this unending, infernal cycle.

That’s a secret, which you’re not supposed to know. But after all these years, I know that NO-ONE has ever read this far down the letter from the editor.

The Home Run

Fall is also when everyone’s Goth, because New York starts getting dark and that’s where the fashion editors live- so there’s gonna be a shiny dominatrix boot and a smoky eye as well. Leather skirts. Spikes on handbags, the least scary place to put spikes. Spank me, Daddy! I work in marketing!

Next is the makeup section, where some poor fuck photo stylist has sliced up a tube of Gucci lip lacquer with a length of dental floss and stacked it up in an uneven, wabi-sabi tower of tiny red grease slabs and drizzled the whole thing over with a clear gel, because there is nothing interesting about makeup.

The Victory Lap

But don’t forget about plaid! We’re doing plaid! Did you know it has different names? It’s Stewart Tartan, Black Watch, or Burberry. You’ll get it in skirts and on bags and blouses and jackets. It’s on ties, headbands and shit, let’s do panties too! Now get out there and get mad for plaid!

Life is long, children. Life is long.

Signed, Anna Wintour

Gaultier Vs. Dame Darcy

  While wending my way home from Portland, I stopped into the De Young Museum in San Francisco to see the Gaultier exhibit that originated in Montreal last year.  JPG was a favorite designer of mine through my highschool and college years, and it’s neat to see so many of his couture pieces mounted as an art exhibition.

The show also features artists that JPG has worked with/for/collaborated with, including Herb Ritts, Andy Warhol, Pedro Almodovar, Pierre Cardin,  Madonna, Pierre et Gilles, Luc Besson, and others, both more famous and more obscure-

Creepily animated JPG introduces the exhibit- his face is projected on a white mannequin, and looks amazing!

Jean Paul Gaultier loves Leigh Bowery , and so do I.

Punkity punk punk!

The show also has a very wonderful coffee-table book with some amazing photographs and essays about Gaultier’s influences and collaborators that I recommend highly.

If you distill it all down, Gaultier’s design career has been made of:

1. Mermaids

2. Punks

3. S&M

4. Sailors

5. Dolls

6. Corsets

7. The Madonna

8. Madonna

At the exhibit, I was reminded of the obsessions of the amazingly multitalented illustrator/musician/dollmaker Dame Darcy:

1. Mermaids

2. Sailors

3. Witches

4. Horses

5. Dolls

6. Dark Fairies

7. Saints & Goddesses

8. The Madonna

9. Siamese Twins!

I think this sounds like a collaboration in the making-

Meat Cake #17 by Dame Darcy - front cover

At any rate, I heartily recommend them both!