New Clean Energy Source Burns Unwearable Clothing You Bought Online During A Pandemic
Scientists have created a new power utility from America’s infinitely renewable resource, useless crap you bought online.
Did you know?
A poorly beaded “flapper” dress can heat a house for fifteen minutes, a giant quilted puffer coat that says “QUEEN” on the back can power a Roomba for a day.
You have nowhere to wear a giant puffer coat that says “QUEEN” on the back. It will only look good in a music video with a model in stiletto heels.
It will not look cute over your sweatpants with the uggs you wear in the snow. You will look crazy. You do not need it. Burn it. Then, you can use the energy to make a smoothie!
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