Virginia Jones- Comedian, Writer, Actor, Goth

Goth Juice: The Most Powerful Hairspray Known To Man

I don’t know the last time I was just an out-and-out shill for something, but I was pretty excited to pick up a container of GOTH JUICE last weekend, the new hairstyling product from Lush. It’s purple, it’s powerful, and it’s inspired (along with a companion product called King of the Mods) by the fantastic UK comedy, The Mighty Boosh. Each tub claims to be “Made from the Tears of Robert Smith.”

Confidential to Gabe Dinger and Pete Ellison: Robert Smith is still not a member of the Smiths. Oddly, none of them were called Smith, which makes them the opposite of the Ramones, who were all named Ramone.

POSTSCRIPT:

I loved this product and used it when my hair was short, and then one day, I went to Lush to pick some more up and my friend Andrea, who is now the lead singer of the great band Holy Grove, had to break the news that it was discontinued, and comfort me because I was crying in a soap store. Zen teaches us that loving something means one day you will lose it, and you must always prepare yourself for that loss.

Bridgetown Comedy Festival!

Portland can’t wait for the first-ever Bridgetown Comedy Festival, from March 6-8! There is a HUGE roster of West Coast comedians, headlined by the star of the Oscar-winning food-cooking rat movie, PATTON OSWALT- and I believe that there’s some time in there for yours truly.

My Sets Are:
Thursday, March 6th: Mount Tabor Legacy Lounge, 8:00 PM
Friday, March 7th: Mount Tabor “Big Room”, 7:00 PM
Saturday, March 8th: Bar of the Gods, 8:00 PM.

POSTSCRIPT: It was fantastic. I got to see, meet, and point at so many funny, funny people. I was particularly knocked out by Kyle Kinane and Tig Notaro, and James Adomian, Jason Nash, and the lithe David Cope. Thanks to all who attended.

The hilarious Mr. Oswalt cuddles a puppy onstage. Don’t tell Grumpus.

James Adomian’s amazing George W. Bush was the surprise hit of the festival.

The only real record of me in the festival was a throwaway line about wrist-slitting, recorded in the Mercury blog.

Sleevedog!

Here is my addition to the Sleeveface project on Flickr- Hazel has always loved the Damned, and is part pig anyway. For those unfamiliar, this is a project where people pose with vinyl record sleeves in a way that completes the image.
If you haven’t seen the rest of the Sleeveface pool, it’s pretty incredible. Look here!

The Weirdest Argument I Have Ever Had

I had an all-day meeting at my soulless corporate job, and it was determined that we only needed a fifteen minute break for lunch, since it was catered. We have a great food service at work, and the cafeteria always has delicious vegan options, and I was dismayed to find that the meeting I had my choice of sammiches: turkey, chicken, and salmon.

I ran out to grab some food, an said sweetly to the organizer, it would have been nice to get a vegetarian option up in this piece, and she said, oh, you’re vegetarian? You can eat the fish. I have a lot of vegetarian friends, and they all eat fish.
Thank you for telling me that. I have only been vegetarian for TWENTY MOTHERF*CKING YEARS, vegan for six, and I am so INTERESTED to know that I can eat fish.
But really, it’s my fault. People used to give me the “I’m vegetarian, but I still eat fish” crap, and after repeated ridiculous conversations, black eyes, and hurt feelings, I gave up arguing. I gave up, and through years of misuse, the word has lost its original meaning and understood implication, which is that you don’t eat animals.

Getting Squirrelly in Kennewick

I just spent three delightful days in the Kennewick/Richland/Pasco area, doing comedy at Joker’s, opening for the fantastic Susan Rice. More importantly, I found this 50’s era rubber squirrel lamp. Here he is in his native habitat: in an antique store, between clackity teeth and a jeweled coin purse.

Spouse thinks he might be a bootleg/miscolored Flower, the skunk from Bambi, which might increase its resale value by as much as fifty cents.

Radiohead Covers The Smiths

I found this clip today and wanted to share it. I’ve never seen Radiohead have as much fun as they do recording a Smiths song about corporal punishment. I love them both.

Pete: Despite what you’ve been told, Robert Smith is *not* the lead singer of the Smiths.

Thinking on Canadian Goth

In the throes of postholiday depression, I was just remembering the majesty of Claude Tanner’s pre-suicide poem on Degrassi High. If Caitlin hadn’t dumped him, maybe now the actor David Armin-Parcells wouldn’t be a former Canadian child star working as a wine buyer in Troy, Michigan, and he’d be able to participate in the Next Generation Degrassi with Snake and Spike and the gang. Let’s take a moment to remember, shall we?

Autumn Leaves
Dying Leaves
Season of DEATH!
When winds blow cold
Thoughts of death creep in as I sleep
I dream I’m in a coffin
Safe from the life I don’t want to lead
I’m not afraid
Soothing, black and warm
SOOTHING, BLACK, and WARM!
Safe from the pain
And safe
From the fools
Safe, soothing, black.

Confidential to Gabe Dinger and Pete Ellison: Robert Smith is *still* not a member of the Smiths. Oddly, none of them were called Smith, which makes them the opposite of the Ramones, who were all named Ramone.

POSTSCRIPT:

Confidential to Gabe Dinger and Pete Ellison: Robert Smith is still not a member of the Smiths. Oddly, none of them were called Smith, which makes them the opposite of the Ramones, who were all named Ramone.