If you give a goth an autoharp, she’ll ask for a Jazzmaster.
If you give a goth a Jazzmaster, she’ll try to play some Bowie.
I found an autoharp on Glendale boulevard in LA and tuned it and replaced the springs and felts, and then I accompanied myself on this Bowie cover, The Man Who Sold The World. I have probably gone insane. Thank you.
Virginia Jones is an LA-based comedian, actor, and writer. She can be seen on Portlandia, CNN’s History of Comedy, and if you stay up late enough, on an Australian tap dance infomercial. She is a unique comic voice, by turns ingenious and absurd. Her comedy is keenly feminist and subtly radical. During lockdown, she created a Instagram TV series called Covid Delivery Scumbag, which has over 2000 views cross-platform. She’s glad to be one of Jackie and Laurie’s Comics of the Week. She documents her various adventures and plots on www.badinia.com
My Joke of the Day:
Most common Quarantine Activity:
I have been playing a metric ass-ton of guitar. Does that mean I am good at guitar? No. But I’m better than I was before we had to stay in the house all the time. I’ve been writing dumb letters to send to friends, making masks for people. A million little craft projects.
Favorite Quarantine show/movie:
I really loved Midnight Gospel and Space Force. I’ve been watching lots of weird British comedy on Britbox, Inside No. 9 is great capsule comedy horror from two of the guys from League of Gentlemen.
Favorite Instagram accounts:
I really love @diet_prada and their fashion snark, my friend Todd Masterson’s hilarious @gayfatfriend, and @jonwurster for rock trivia and #mynewworstfriend posts
Favorite quarantine meal & drink:
I’m enjoying refreshing homemade vodka sodas, and when Magpies softserve opened for pickup in Silverlake I called my manager to make sure he knew.
Most Questionable thing you’ve seen or heard recently..
A friend of mine called me driving home from a covid hookup, and said “I can’t wait until this goddamned pandemic is over!” and I’m all “bitch you’re not helping!”
First thing you’ll do once isolation is over…
Pet all the dogs, do all the shows, go to all the parties, and make out with strangers in the street!
Welcome to our big Fall Fashion issue! It’s HUGE and HEAVY and GLOSSY and you could really knock someone around with it.
We’ve got food, diet, and skin trends, but let’s face it, you’re all here for the same thing- the FALL FASHION PREVIEW! It is LEGEND. It is the Christmas Mass of fashion magazines- everyone shows up once a year!
After this editor’s letter we’ve got the table of contents, a list of the celebrity photographers who aren’t cancelled yet, a Gucci ad, another Gucci ad, and BOOM here it is, it’s been gossiped about and worried over for six months: what’s the hot trend for fall?
It’s plaid again, ya dumbshits! It will always be plaid! It’s back to school, so every woman alive is dressing like she’s showing up to Saint Lucy Of The Bleeding Eyes.
It’s because men keep this fantasy of women with knee socks and short plaid skirts long after their own kids graduate college.
I mean, if you want to know- that’s not really why.
It’s because in 1945, the UK wool industry, drunk on military production, had overruns they could not handle. They convinced Vogue Magazine to promote wool plaid for Fall 1946. Business being what it is, we HAVE to do wool plaid as a fashion trend EVERY FALL or the ENTIRE INDUSTRY WILL COLLAPSE. We have all signed a binding document, witnessed by Harry S. Truman and Winston Churchill, tying us to this unending, infernal cycle.
That’s a secret, which you’re not supposed to know. But after all these years, I know that NO-ONE has ever read this far down the letter from the editor.
The Home Run
Fall is also when everyone’s Goth, because New York starts getting dark and that’s where the fashion editors live- so there’s gonna be a shiny dominatrix boot and a smoky eye as well. Leather skirts. Spikes on handbags, the least scary place to put spikes. Spank me, Daddy! I work in marketing!
Next is the makeup section, where some poor fuck photo stylist has sliced up a tube of Gucci lip lacquer with a length of dental floss and stacked it up in an uneven, wabi-sabi tower of tiny red grease slabs and drizzled the whole thing over with a clear gel, because there is nothing interesting about makeup.
The Victory Lap
But don’t forget about plaid! We’re doing plaid! Did you know it has different names? It’s Stewart Tartan, Black Watch, or Burberry. You’ll get it in skirts and on bags and blouses and jackets. It’s on ties, headbands and shit, let’s do panties too! Now get out there and get mad for plaid!
My friend Chris Christian pointed out that this week it’s been 20 years since we did this daytime sports goth event as part of the PDXINDGOTH bulletin board. Mike King made us SNEERLEADER t-shirts, the dudes played basketball, and I, despite having had my tonsils out the week before, led cheers like:
So honored to spend an hour with the smart and hilarious Tiff Stevenson on her new material show, Old Rope, on Instagram Live. In today’s show we cover Trump, dick pics, #feminism, women in comedy, Gilda Radner, UK comedy, and much more! Click the photo for a link to the show, it’ll be up for a week on Instagram!