Category: artsy fartsy

Three! More! Sleeps!

As the clock ticks down for the fifth annual Bridgetown Comedy Festival, I am so excited I can barely keep from jumping out of my skin, but also keep in mind that I’ve had quite a lot of coffee.

The schedule is a behemoth of amazing possibilities- please start perusing it now.  Please also note you can subscribe to the calendar on Google Calendar, a new feature for this year that’s pretty slick!

Anyone who is a fan of me personally will note that my shows are:

  • Bossanova Lounge Early Show
    $10.00 – Friday, April 13, 2012, 7:00 pm @ Bossanova Lounge

My first show is Friday the 13th!  Spoooooky!  I’ll be with the very funny Walsh Brothers, my new LA friend Brandon Vaughn, and Seattle professional art weirdo Emmett Montgomery!

Postscript: Everyone had a great set, and I was especially glad to enjoy Dave Child for the first time!    This was a super show, even though Maria Bamford watched my set and made me super nervous!  It’s just because she’s the most giving and wonderful human in the world, and also the funniest.

  • Best of SICC
    $20.00 – Saturday, April 14, 2012, 9:00 pm @ Bossanova Main

The Best of the Seattle International Comedy Competition- some legendary PNW heavy hitters, including Auggie Smith, Dax Jordan, and my LA BFF Eddie Pence, and Kyle Harbert, who kicked an amazing amount of ass his first competition.

Postscript: On the down side, at the opening of this show, I performed for 10 people, but it had filled out by the end.  Auggie Smith’s new material on his marriage was hysterical.  Eddie Pence pointed out that what we think are pets are animal slaves.  Patrick Keane climbed set pieces and made me concerned not just that he would die, but that he would waste his time dying for a half-empty house.

  • Portlandia Players
    $10.00 – Sunday, April 15, 2012, 7:00 pm @ Hawthorne Theatre Lounge

Guess what all these comedians have in common!  We’ve all been on Portlandia!  Kristine Levine is a repeat performer, the very funny Alex Gavlick appears as Fred and Carrie’s son, Ian Karmel made waves first season, and Veronica Heath wore underwear on-camera!   A nice picking of PNW talent!

Postscript: This was unexpectedly a PACKED show- one of the really good ideas implemented at Bridgetown this year was doing more theme shows, so that non-comedy nerd people could get a feel for who/what they were seeing- and people like television, so I got to do an AWESOME set PACKED with people!  So good!

I’ll also be attending Baby Ketten Karaoke (LATE) on Thursday night at the Alibi, and Sunday night at Kelly’s Olympian, if you wanna sing with me and you don’t like sleep!  Can’t wait to see you!

Postscript: (Why not) Kettens still hate Alibi, but John Brophy sanged me a song, and on Sunday night’s Ketten at Kelly’s I achieved some life goals:
1. Singing Marc Almond’s disco cover of Jacky, rather than the “classy” Scott Walker version

2. Improvising a routine to another singer’s “All That Jazz” from Chicago

3. Completing the trilogy of Cramps songs on the Baby Ketten book with “Garbageman.”

All in all, a magical weekend of fun!

Amazing FACTS about LABYRINTH!

I am writing to tell you all the amazing facts about Labyrinth, the film in which a great many Muppets talk directly to David Bowie’s crotch. It is showing this weekend at the Egyptian theatre in Los Angeles, as a double feature with Dark Crystal.  Holy Hoggle! What an Easter Treat!

Here are some questions that you might enjoy looking at the answers to.

Q. Where have I heard that whole “You remind me of a man. What man? The man with the power” business before?

A. You haven’t, but it was an old vaudeville bit Cary Grant, Shirley Temple, and Myrna Loy enjoyed in the film “The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer”.

Q. Do you know the scene with the cleaners, where Hoggle’s voice changes for no reason and sounds exactly like Harrison Ford saying “You Sure Got His Attention” to Princess Leia in Star Wars? Do you think that George Lucas allowed them to sample the line from Star Wars?

A. Yes. I think so. I have no proof of this.

Q. Was it helpful that George Lucas was a producer?

A. Possibly.

Q. Who made the stupid baby-gurgle noises in the same “Magic Dance” song?

A. Dame David Bowie had to, because the baby they brought him was of the non-gurgling type.

Q. I notice that the baby’s name is Toby, and that the actor’s name is Toby Froud. Is this a coincidence?

A. No- the baby was supposed to be named Freddie, but the actor-baby would only respond to his own name, which is only part of why babies make such terrible actors.  The baby was also played by the art director’s baby, because nepotism.

Q. Are you obsessed with the Magic Dance song?

A. Yes.

Q: Did you one time see an adult Toby Froud sing Magic Dance at Baby Ketten Karaoke, the best karaoke in the world?

A: Yes.

Q: Was Michael Cera also there?

A: I don’t think he was this time.

Q. Did you realize that Sarah invented nerd cosplay at the beginning of this film?

A. No, I sure didn’t! Thanks for pointing that out!

Q. If you buy the Jareth The Goblin King figurine, how do you prevent him from losing his crystal juggle-ball?

A. I had to glue mine on.

Q. What does the little elf-person who turns Sarah’s marked tile over say?

A. “Your mother is a freaking aardvark!”

Q. Did you know that the glass-ball juggler in the film is the inventor of what is now called “contact juggling”, Michael Moshen, who started juggling clear acrylic balls that he borrowed from his friend, fellow juggler Penn Jillette?

A. No, I didn’t know that.

Q. I didn’t think you did.

Q. Is Labyrinth still the best movie featuring David Bowie and Henson’s Creatures?

A. You bet your glittery, felt-covered muppet ass! Get out and see it!

Postscript: Later,  I discuss many of these facts with Jackie Kashian on the Dork Forest!  

 

Bridgetown Comedy Appeteaser!

bridgetown

 In its fifth year of existence and awesomeness, Bridgetown Comedy Festival is bringing back many favorites and veterans, like hilarious lefty mimic James Adomian and local boy/founder Matt Braunger, as well as AMAZING performers Maria Bamford, Tim Heidecker, and Todd Barry, but they have also gone out of their way to freshen up the offering to keep this festival exciting for everybody- over HALF the roster is new to Bridgetown, so look out for some hilarious new faces, as well as some great headliners that we just haven’t been lucky enough to host yet!

Also, please note that although the general population is 1%-2% red-headed, the Bridgetown line-up is 6% red-haired, which has got to mean something.  Tell me if you figure out what it means.

Portland favorite Doug Benson will be there, with his best friend/bodyguard/karate expert Graham Elwood!

Pete Holmes returns after setting the Bridgetown world on fire in 2011- this year, he  started the very strange and funny You Made It Weird podcast, has voiced a baby who sells stocks on the internet, and made return appearances on John Oliver’s Comedy Central stand-up show!

Former SNL writer and Onion contributor Mike Drucker will be back, he’s amazingly funny and cerebral- he has worked with Brian Posehn and Patton Oswalt, and has also hung out with my dogs!  Also, it’s his birthday today!

The incredibly talented, phenomenally awkward Jesse Case is returning to eat veggie dogs and crack jokes!

My tiny hero, Janine Brito, is returning from San Francisco, she made waves last year with her bowtie and her special jokes!  Goddamnit but she’s funny!

Even more exciting are some of the comics making their Bridgetown premiere:

Alice Wetterlund is a recent LA transplant from Noo Yawk, where she kicked all kindsa ass at the UCB and wrote with Bridgetown alum Kurt Braunholer.  She will recap the shit out of Grey’s Anatomy for you.

 Dan Mintz– he’s the voice of Tina on Bob’s Burgers, and even more than that, he’s a funny Alaskan.
Nate Bargatze–  A Tennessee native and national touring act, he’s the son of a magician, which is a common curse at his house.  He lives in New York City and wants to tell you jokes.

Sagar Bhatt-  He’s in sneaker commercials!  He was a finalist on Last Comic Standing!  He makes films!  My God, what doesn’t he do?

Lucas Dick- We’re excited for the Bridgetown premier of Andy Dick’s son, Lucas, who is very funny in his own right, but whom I hope will not try to fight me at an afterparty, or go missing for several days after the festival.

Mary Mack is an incredible and very unique performer, having appeared on Last Comic Standing and Live at Gotham.  She can play the mandolin and charm the birds out of the trees.  I like her, is what I guess I’m saying.  She’s on Marc Maron’s amazing podcast this week, so wet your beak!

Matt Ingebretson– he draws, he tweets, he stands up and tells jokes!  He’s written for Funny or Die and the Tommy Wi-Show!  Check out this amazin’ dude!

Taylor Williamson– He’s been on Last Comic Standing, Montreal Juste Pour Rire (but the English language version) MTV’s Total Request Live, and is the youngest person to do comedy on Craig Ferguson’s show.  (Low whistle)

Amanda Perrin-  A redheaded Canadian lady who’s funny- she might as well be our mascot.  She’s from Calgary and is hilarious.  Please make a point of checking her out!

Matt Fulchiron– He can be seen in his own Comedy Central Presents and has been featured on Live at Gotham, Last Comic Standing, Tosh.0, Craig Ferguson and Comics Unleashed, and is right now at SXSW, eating tacos and leering at UT students.

Guy Branum– He’s got a wikipedia page, which for me is the height of obvious awesomeness.  He’s a writer and regular panelist for Chelsea Lately, “Staff Homosexual” on Chelsea Lately and worked against type as Natalie Portman’s sassy gay friend in No Strings Attached. Guy also writes for the “Gay Voices” section of The Huffington Post, and ironically he’s not gay, just another straight actor pretending.  Just kidding, he’s as gay as the Queen’s hat.   Check his business out!  And when I say, “business”, I mean his comedy.

Katie Crown- What?  Another funny Canadian?  What are we, sponsoring green cards?  This lady has appeared on the Jon Dore show (le sigh!  So great), she’s a puppeteer and voice actor, and is in general crazy talented.

Ever Mainard– This lady kicks all kinds of ass in Chicago comedy, and is one of that city’s favorites.  She’ll improv you, and she’ll stand you up, she’ll make you laugh!

Ben Roy- He’s outta Colorado, where he ran a show with Bridgetown returning alum Adam Cayton-Holland- he’s performed at the New Faces showcase in Montreal and just about everyplace else!  His favorite Cormac McCarthy book is Suttree, which is also my favorite!  Fuck “The Road!”

Tone Bell- Won NBC’s Stand Up For Diversity contest in 2011, is a theatre major, likes cats, coffee, and making breakfast for nice girls.  He’s coming to Bridgetown out of Dallas, Texas.  If you’ve never seen a Texan before, approach with caution.

Other shows to watch out for: the amazing film FREAKDANCE will be screened!

The incredible long-form improv show, ASSSSCAT returns with another all-star cast!

Clear your calendars from April 12th to the 15th, buy tickets and find a place to sleep!  It’s comin’!  Follow @bridgetown on Twitter and like them on Facebook and do all that crap!  BECAUSE IT’S HOW TO HAVE FUN!

Updates!  Janeane Garofalo, Rory Scovel, and Jon Glaser!  And Amy Schumer!  And Mary Lynn Rajskub!  Holy Crap!

Learning Cockney Slang: Don’t Be A Berkeley Hunt

Kevin Keegan, not a vegan


In Cockney rhyming slang, “I’m going to the Fatboy Slim” means “I’m going to the gym.”  This is interesting, because as far as I can tell, Norman Cook’s fitness regimen is cocaine, which in cockney is “charlie.”

To call someone a “Berk” is short for “Berkely Hunt”, which rhymes with something that is the reason why the Mighty Boosh can never be shown in prime time in England, because the inoffensive-sounding “berk” is slang for something very dirty, something that rhymes with “hunt”, and starts with a “c”.

In cockney, to say something is Kevin Keegan, after the legendary footballer and coach, means that something is vegan. My tiny friend Emiko from Foodfightgrocery.com let me know this triv, that if you are at a party and pointing at various foods, asking “Zat Kevin?”, you are asking if it’s free of animal products, not made of an unlucky friend.

I took a picture of this sign at Nike, which makes me laugh but doesn’t make anyone else laugh, because it implies that the hallway is vegan. I think it’s Eddie. (eddie money=funny.)

byronbowie

  Postscript: Like most of us, I was watching the Julien Temple short film, Jazzin’ for Blue Jean, on the treadmill last night (sidebar: Bowie was 37 when this film was made, and in my opinion at the height of his personal awesomeness.  Goals, people.)  Anyway, in this film, when Bowie is portraying the most challenging role of his career, a scheming poster-hanger named Vic, he says “I’m a berk!”, which means that Bowie tricked MTV into letting him say “cunt” repeatedly on their network in 1984, which is just another reason he’s my hero.

A Deranged Millionaire

Hodgman%20backstage

I knew that Long Beach was hosting this year’s illustrious TED talks,  but I was surprised to see Deranged Millionaire John Hodgman walking up my street.

I gave him the traditional surprised, over-excited nerd HI, which he shrank from, and I later tweeted him that I didn’t mean to yell HI at him.

You might wonder: How does a Deranged Millionaire dress to blend in seamlessly with the TED populace and pass undetected?

Why, he wears a navy arctic fleece half-zip pullover. 

It’s obviously a joke on the fact that people in SoCal will bundle up like Serbian prisoners when the temperature drops below 60 degrees.

Izzard at Largo

Eddie Izzard IV

I got to see Eddie Izzard do a workshop show at the Largo!  Despite cost, inconvenience, and the cruel indifference, there are some real advantages to living in LA.

Eddie Izzard announced a show at Largo two days before it happened and did an amazing sold-out work-in-progress show, and I got to go. These things still feel like magic to me.  I used to see her announcements that she was coming to do shows in LA and I would try to figure out how to go.  She’s stopped doing as much working-out in the States, but I loved seeing these shows.