Art on the S.S. Coachella
Some of my favorite pieces from the Celebrity Silhouette we took for S.S. Coachella– it was a very British and very modern collection that I wish I had more time to enjoy!
Category: art
Simon LeBon’s Astonishing DNA Test
My daughter, Saffron, gave me a genetics kit for my birthday this year, and I know it’s a bit cheesy but in the tradition of middle aged dads everywhere, I’ve been working up the old family tree.
I’m pleased to have found a great many writers and poets in my bloodline!
The First LeBon
The first LeBon arrived in London in the big Huguenot emigration of the 1590’s, and published the Elizabethan period poem below:
Thou has se’en me– stood’st at the corner of thy street
And O! A fire makes for flashes on thy stone sill
To be solitary pleases you not
So thou wouldst seek out pleasure
And sooth- thou would knows’t wherefore and whyfore
Nay, pray not for me today
Prithee, pray for me on the morrow– Francois LeBon
American LeBon
Next, I found an American whose family settled in Louisiana. We have a great-great grandfather in common. He loved the SF beat poetry scene so much he moved out there in 1953.
Antoine LeBon wrote the following, published in a zine called Street Poems in 1957:
I finally bugged out yesterday
Couldn’t peep my hillside pad
Maybe I’ll head there in a year
Maybe I won’t
I can feel you diggin’ on me, cat, day and night
I’m hep to it, the art and incantations
I dig it, it’s a gas
There’s a dream, a fantasy maybe
Stringing down this road we call our home
There’s shards of glass everywhere
It cuts me, cuts me deep, and finally I say
Hey man, hip me to it
What do I gotta know?
Japanese LeBon
Perhaps strangest of all is a British girl whose family moved to Japan in the 30’s, and who wrote pretty little haiku like this one, this is Belleanne LeBon from her school poetry journal:
Cherry blossom lips
Smear in a line as she falls
Into blue water
Amazing stuff. I showed it to Yasmin and said, look, babe, we’ve always been poets and she said, love, you’re not a poet, you’re just a clotheshorse who got lucky.
Well, I’ll add more if I find more!
‘Til then- Simon
How To Quickly Cheer Up A Goth
Wondering how to quickly cheer up your goth? Try a bright mask! They’re safer, too!
Fall Fashion Preview: It’s Plaid Again, Morons!
A Letter From The Editor of Vogue Magazine
Welcome to our big Fall Fashion issue! It’s HUGE and HEAVY and GLOSSY and you could really knock someone around with it.
We’ve got food, diet, and skin trends, but let’s face it, you’re all here for the same thing- the FALL FASHION PREVIEW! It is LEGEND. It is the Christmas Mass of fashion magazines- everyone shows up once a year!
The Wind-Up
After this editor’s letter we’ve got the table of contents, a list of the celebrity photographers who aren’t cancelled yet, a Gucci ad, another Gucci ad, and BOOM here it is, it’s been gossiped about and worried over for six months: what’s the hot trend for fall?
The Pitch
It’s plaid again, ya dumbshits! It will always be plaid! It’s back to school, so every woman alive is dressing like she’s showing up to Saint Lucy Of The Bleeding Eyes.
It’s because men keep this fantasy of women with knee socks and short plaid skirts long after their own kids graduate college.
I mean, if you want to know- that’s not really why.
It’s because in 1945, the UK wool industry, drunk on military production, had overruns they could not handle. They convinced Vogue Magazine to promote wool plaid for Fall 1946. Business being what it is, we HAVE to do wool plaid as a fashion trend EVERY FALL or the ENTIRE INDUSTRY WILL COLLAPSE. We have all signed a binding document, witnessed by Harry S. Truman and Winston Churchill, tying us to this unending, infernal cycle.
That’s a secret, which you’re not supposed to know. But after all these years, I know that NO-ONE has ever read this far down the letter from the editor.
The Home Run
Fall is also when everyone’s Goth, because New York starts getting dark and that’s where the fashion editors live- so there’s gonna be a shiny dominatrix boot and a smoky eye as well. Leather skirts. Spikes on handbags, the least scary place to put spikes. Spank me, Daddy! I work in marketing!
Next is the makeup section, where some poor fuck photo stylist has sliced up a tube of Gucci lip lacquer with a length of dental floss and stacked it up in an uneven, wabi-sabi tower of tiny red grease slabs and drizzled the whole thing over with a clear gel, because there is nothing interesting about makeup.
The Victory Lap
But don’t forget about plaid! We’re doing plaid! Did you know it has different names? It’s Stewart Tartan, Black Watch, or Burberry. You’ll get it in skirts and on bags and blouses and jackets. It’s on ties, headbands and shit, let’s do panties too! Now get out there and get mad for plaid!
Life is long, children. Life is long.
Signed, Anna Wintour
How To Make A PERFECT Guillermo Del Toro Film!
Let’s 
Make A 
Guillermo Del Toro Film!
What will we need?
Smoke wafting through air
Blood wafting through water
Blood wafting through air (ghost blood)
Insects
Ron Perlman
Cisterns
Specialized Metal Containers
Tools with Extensive Wear and Aging
A Fish Guy Who Loves Eggs
Mechanical toys
Intricate Clockwork
Catholic stuff
Gold/Amber colors
Stilts! More stilts! Additional stilts!
Robots Made of Clockwork Steampunk Shit
Children/Orphans/Dead Parents
Spanish Civil War
Vampires that are close to being vampires but are not really vampires, like slant rhyme vampires
Hand and Face wounds
Ghosts oh god so many beautiful ghosts
Doug Jones in a rubber suit
Eyes in places they should not be
A Jarred fetus, other Mutter museum stuff
A character who was born different, with special abilities, but who would trade it all to be “normal”
Elaborate carved stone labyrinths, waiting for circuits to be connected with blood
The Getty Challenge: Portrait Of Madame X
At the start of the Covid-19 lockdown, the Getty museum’s twitter account challenged people to recreate works of art at home, with things they had. I did John Singer Sargent’s Portrait of Madame X.
Someone commented that I referenced the original strapless version, which was so sexy that the artist had to add straps. It wasn’t a reference so much as my gown is made of a swimsuit and a bedsheet.
Trivia fact: The original model and I are both named Virginia.
Lady Bloodmeadow Kills It On Tinder
Lady Bloodmeadow joins Tinder. If you want a goth girlfriend, please watch her video. She really only has one requirement for partners. If you’d like to see more of Bloodmeadow, check out her Youtube playlist here.