5 Love Lessons I Learned Driving for Lyft- From LOVE.TV

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5 Love Lessons I Learned While Driving for Lyft

 Buckle in for some magical ride oversharing.
Like a lot of LA denizens, I write and act and also drive passengers for Lyft rideshare.  I meet all kinds of people with all kinds of love lives, which many times they tell me about.  Here’s a selection of lessons I have learned from my passengers.The Ride With The PuppyDude gets in the car holding a pink box and a puppy, but looking sad.Me: Oh wow! A box of donuts and a puppy! Are you gonna make someone’s morning or what?
Sad dude: well, I wanted to, but she threw the donuts back in my face.
Me: oh.
Sad dude: and the puppy. She also threw the puppy in my face.
Me: I’m sorry, man.
Puppy whines slightly.Lesson: Sometimes even donuts and a puppy won’t save you. If that’s the case, either it’s too far gone or you’re just not a good match.  You’ve tried the nuclear option and it’s time to move on, but do raise that puppy.

The Ride With NicolePicked up a drunk couple from a bar, they were on a Lyft Line so I headed to pick up the next person.Girl: You’re going the wrong way.
Me: Oh, we’re gonna go pick up Nicole real quick!
Girl: Who is Nicole?
Guy: Oh, honey, I did Lyft Line.
Girl: What’s Lyft Line?
Guy: It’s like Uber Pool.
Me: Save a couple bucks, reduce traffic!
Girl: You cheap F**K.
Guy: Hon, are you really mad? We’re not in a hurry…A few moments pass, she seems to forget about it, we talk about other stuff.
Girl: Why are you going east?
Me: We’re…gonna pick up Nicole real quick?
Girl: Who the f**k is Nicole?
Me: She’s… The next rider on the Lyft line?
Girl: What’s Lyft Line? She sounds, sorry to say this, like a c*nt.
Guy: Um… don’t say c*nt?
Girl: And you can ignore him. He’s never even been in a three-way. I’ve been in like 30.
Me: That sounds like a real calling!
Girl: Plus, he’s the only dude I’ve dated who hasn’t wanted to move in after six months! What the f**k is that?
Guy: Uh.
Me: (Trying to lighten the mood) Well, I’ve dated guys for six months before I put their names in my phone!
Girl: WHAT are you SAYING I want to GET OUT.
Me: Oh, here’s Nicole!
Girl: Hi Nicole, where are you going?
Nicole: To No Vacancy!
Girl: Oh cool that’s a cool place to go to get f**ked by a 27-year-old white guy with no job
Nicole: OK?
Me: Ok, you guys are almost to your destination!
Girl: I don’t wanna go to his house.  Can you drop me at my house (gives address)
Me: Well… I can’t actually change destination on Lyft line, because, you know, we have to head near where Nicole is going.
Girl: You cheap f**k!
Me: (Last attempt at humor)No fighting in the cab!
Girl: I don’t want to go to his house EVER AGAIN!
Guy: (whispering) are you serious right now?
Girl: AND NICOLE THERE’S BAR LUBITSCH IT’S A GREAT PLACE TO GET F**KED BY A RUSSIAN DUDE.
Nicole: I don’t think I’m looking for that.
Me: (silence)
Me: (screeching brakes) OK here you are! Thanks so much!
(They get out, fighting because she wants to break up with him)
Nicole: What was that
Me: Sorry, I know!Lesson: If you’re a nice guy and she walks all over you, she’s not worth being with.  If she loves you, she’s gotta love your spend thrift ways!

The Ride With The Lyft ValentineMy first ride of the day was a lady who grumbled a little when I told her happy Valentine’s day.Lady: Sheesh. Not for me. I just broke up with my dude of three years.
Me: That sucks, man. I’m sorry.
Lady: Yeah, my girlfriend banged him, so they both suck.
Me: They do, they suck. That sucks.
Lady: And the incredible thing is, this is her second time pulling this shit! Like, there are so many dudes, why can’t she stop screwing my dudes?
Me: You still kept being her friend after the first time?
Lady: Yeah, well, she said she was sorry and that she wouldn’t do it again.Lesson: If your girlfriend bangs your boyfriend once, it could be an accident.  Twice, it’s a hobby.

The Ride With The Late Night RomancersI picked up a cute, fairly drunk guy at 2 a.m. in downtown Pasadena, and he gave me an address. We picked up a cute, fairly drunk girl and the magic began.Guy: Let’s go to [name of bar].
Me: Uh, I think they’re closed, it’s 2 a.m.
Guy: I think it’s open?
Girl: I just think I’m a… real easy going person.
Guy: I know, I know. I try to live in the moment.
Girl: You just… have to.
Me: Guys, this bar is closed.
Guy: (to me) Oh! Let’s go to [restaurant]. Have you ever had a conversation this amazing happen in your cab before?
Me: (dryly) Sure.
Girl: You just came up to me and asked me to dance, and I couldn’t turn you down!
Me: OK, I’m sorry to say this restaurant is also closed.
Girl: I don’t even need to eat. I’m good.
Guy: OK, we’ll just go to In-N-Out and get a shake.
Girl: It’s like, you just… you took down all my roadblocks.
Guy: I know, I know. You told me.
Girl: All my defenses, just gone.We get to In-N-Out. It is also closed.
Girl: OK, I guess… Take me back to my place?
Me: OK.
Guy: Naw, we can get out here.
Girl: Oh… OK?
Guy: My house is right over there. We can hang for a little while and get another car later.
Me: OK, here we are then.
Guy: Isn’t she just so cute?
Me: Yup. Here we are!
Girl: I just can’t believe how strong we vibe on each other.(Moments pass. They’re just sitting in my car talking)
Me: You guys… Can you go fall in love in someone else’s Lyft?
(I find this hilarious. Nobody thinks it’s as funny as I do.)Lesson: If dude was in love with you, why is he hitting you up after the bars close?  You’re a late night hook up, girl.

The Ride With The Family Man
I pick up a dude who is holding a Starbucks coffee and a phone and looks shell-shocked. He gets into my car and says, “man, you’re gonna hear a conversation that’s kind of intense but I have to have it right now.”
Me: No problem!
Dude: (on phone) Hey, baby, it’s me! You’re pregnant?! I’m so stoked! I mean it, I want to have a baby with you! You didn’t want to tell me? Come on, I’m your man! I’m your DUDE, I’m WITH you! Do you wanna get married, I mean, what’s your mama gonna say? Are you excited? Are you scared? Baby, I love you. I want to get married. I want to have a baby with you. I mean, I’m 40, what the fuck else am I gonna do? I mean it. I love you. I’m coming over. Yeah, I’m in a Lyft. Yeah, my driver is getting an earful. Yeah, it’s magic and it’s real and I can’t wait! I’ll see you soon!
Me: Wow, congratulations man!
Dude: God, I can’t believe it, but man, we were just at my friend’s house and he has this two year old girl and she’s so perfect and we were saying, man, he’s doing it, we can do this, and then she finds out she’s pregnant a week later, I mean, it’s magic time, man!
Me: How long have you guys been dating?
Dude: Six months, but I know, I KNOW this is my lady. But she’s a passionate lady, and we were together this afternoon but she flipped out on me and left, and now I know it’s because she was scared to have this talk. She just found out this morning.
Me: And when did you find out?
Dude: (Crying) She texted me that she was pregnant, and then I called you. I found out literally a minute before you got there.
Me: You can do this, man. This is sometimes how babies come. You can do it. (Also crying)
Dude: Yeah, I mean, I always wanted to be a dad and now we’re gonna do it! I’m scared shitless but I know we’re gonna be great!Me: Good luck. Be good. Here’s some tissues.
Dude: Five starrrrrs!
Lesson: Sometimes amazing things happen by accident.  If you’re with the right person, look in your heart and see if you’re ready to roll with it.

I, Sexbot!

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The next generation of interactive sex robot will be available starting next year. New tech includes warm skin and warm sex organs, the ability to have simple conversations and to have simulated orgasms, something that is hardwired as sexy and desirable for men. And it’s scaring the crap out of us.


Sexy female robot bite lips portrait artificial intelligenceWe’re so worried about it that there’s already a website about the campaign against sex robots, (campaignagainstsexrobots.org). There’s also an international meeting taking place in London in December promoting and exploring the problems and benefits of sex and love with robots.

We’re so worried that over and over articles go up saying “Holy crap sexbots!”

What is it that we are we afraid of?

We’re afraid of men becoming accustomed to, or preferring, asymmetrical relationships with a robot, who is never in a bad mood or busy or tired, and who never rejects them. A sex robot is always up for anything. How will this affect men’s relationships with real women? We’re afraid that sex robot use will make men forget about consent– a sex robot has no boundaries and doesn’t say no.

And the proposed user is universally male- just as the existing sex doll market is aimed at straight men. There are male dolls for gay male customers, but the sex doll market is not a big one for straight women, just as there isn’t a huge market for straight male prostitutes.

We’re afraid that sex with a perfect, endlessly pleasing, endlessly servile, endlessly sexy robot will replace sex between humans, eventually reducing our birth rate.

We’re afraid about our expensive sex robots getting out of date- imagine how embarrassing it’ll be when your friend’s new-fangled robot can speak in four languages and flutter her eyelashes and your robot can only moan and point at stuff!

We’re afraid of the end of human intimacy, that men will fall in love with sex robots. We’re afraid that men will become addicted, never leaving their house, ordering all of their groceries online and filling their days and nights with computer games and dirty robots. We’ll be a world of single people, men at home with their sex robots, and women making and sharing increasingly intricate Pinterest pages and Etsy crafts.

Women are afraid of being jealous of sex robots, who don’t gain weight or sweat or have body hair, unless you have requested some on the order form.

The fact is, technology has always been scary in the bedroom. Vibrators were originally developed as an easy way for doctors to give women orgasms as treatment for “hysteria”, which was medical talk for women being stressed out by a life of responsibilities without the release of orgasms, because their spouses didn’t believe women could have them. The vibrator has existed since the 19th century, and men still regard them with suspicion, worried that women prefer them to sex with a partner, instead of being used along with or in the absence of a partner. I think sex robots will be much the same- no matter how good they get, they won’t be the same as sex with a person. When we say people are “in love” with their sex robots, that’s the fallacy. They may enjoy their experience, but it’s not love. I like my vibrator, but it’s a tool. I don’t connect with it. Even if it was attached to the Hugh Jackman RealDoll I have been asking the RealDoll company to send me as sponsorship for advertising, I wouldn’t love it. I don’t care if silicon Hugh Jackman has an orgasm or experiences pleasure, and I can’t connect or bond with him, and that’s a big part of having sex with another person.  There is no eye contact with the Hugh Jackman RealDoll, who also doesn’t exist, because I just made him up.  The smell of another person, the feel of their touch, the look in their eyes, the condition of being desired by another person– these won’t be replaced.

When we examine these fears for a second, and are rational, we can say: there will be outlier men who are so challenged and frustrated with human relationships that they will purchase sex robots and only interact with them. But they will always be a minority.

Sex robots could be a practical comfort on long trips, during space exploration, during breakups or between relationships, or when you are otherwise unable to be with a partner, but to say that all men want from relationships is subordinate sex is to grossly oversimplify what relationships are. To believe that sex equals love is childish. Having a realistic sex robot doesn’t stave off loneliness. Like legalized weed won’t make for a world of marijuana abuse, sex robots will only add to the human sexual experience, not replace it.

– See more at: http://www.lovetv.co/i-sexbot/2/#sthash.IMVtii6G.dpuf

Two Sisters Talk About Dick Picks

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Republished from Love.TV

Laura Ryan is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a practice in Austin, Texas.
Virginia Jones is a comedian and writer in Los Angeles with no formal licensing that she can recall.
We are sisters, and we are talking about d*ck pics.
1) What entices a man to send a woman an unsolicited ‘crotch shot?’
Laura: I see this as a similar line of thinking as your uncle giving you a Neil Diamond’s Greatest Hits CD for your birthday. That’s what he likes, so he assumes that you will like it too. I believe that men would LOVE it if women would take photos of their genitals and send them out. Men are visually stimulated and perhaps believe that women are stimulated this way, too.

Virginia: I can see the logic, but I assure you- we don’t like you for your d*ck. If we like you, we like your d*ck. If we aren’t interested in you, I don’t think your d*ck is gonna turn the tide. On their own- they’re just not that photogenic. I’ve never gotten a pic and thought “You know, I’ve gotta give this guy another shot!” Each of them is unique, but there’s not as huge a variation as you’d think. Almost all of them are fine.

2) Psychologically speaking, what about an anonymous environment provokes men to engage in risky behaviors?
Laura: I think it is exciting to feel like I can send out a d*ck pic and a woman will be sexually aroused. I think that maybe the ideas about women that are perpetuated by the pornography industry feed into this belief that all women would enjoy this kind of attention.

Virginia: It’s interesting to think about people like Anthony Weiner, who has literally lost everything- his career, his marriage- to his impulse to send pictures of his weiner to different people. For his sake, I hope it’s a really great weiner!

Laura: It sure must be!

3) Do you think there is a misinterpretation when it comes to women’s sexual interest?
Laura: There is definitely a misinterpretation of women’s sexual interests in our society. The pornography industry caters to men’s interests and a man’s perspective. I believe that online pornography is the main education that young men are receiving about sexuality today. In this format, women are ready to have sex at any time, require very little emotional engagement, are visually stimulated and don’t expect or need anything more than the briefest of foreplay before engaging in penetration.

Virginia: But in porn’s defense, the women are usually paying for a pizza, and then they get to have pizza. And d*ck.
4) Do you believe crotch shots from men could be linked to a biological urge to indicate sexual interest to women?
Laura: Most of our sexual urges are linked to biology. Other mammals publicly display their sexual interests and we have gotten away from that with the advent of clothing and the creation of polite society. If you are a chimpanzee or a bonobo who wants to mate, you probably display your penis to get female attention and that works when females are in estrus.

Virginia: It is interesting to think about how the impulse to send a picture of your junk is linked to our caveman self, but what makes it possible is human technology. In the future, men will send a sculpture of their d*ck to your 3-d printer. You go try to print a vase or a little bear or something and you’re all “Great, whose d*ck is this?”

Laura: As I’ve told you many times, let’s get you scheduled with a therapist.

Virginia: Shut up.

6) How has modern technology ‘encouraged’ this type of behavior?
Laura: In the past, if I wanted to send a photo of my penis to a woman, I would have to take a photo with my camera that I couldn’t see beforehand, take my roll of film to the drugstore and let all the photo-lab employees see my junk (or refuse to print my photo), then find out what the woman’s mailing address is, stamp my envelope and snail mail my genital pic to her.

Virginia: Lots of legwork there.

Laura: Exactly. The digital age has taken down all of these barriers and I can now view my photo in the privacy of my own home, use the right angles, correct imperfections with Facetune, and send the same picture out to as many women as I want.

Virginia: Oh god, do you think they’re Facetuning their d*cks?

Laura: I am absolutely certain of it.

7) What would you recommend men to do to indicate sexual interest, other than sending a crotch shot?
Laura: Let’s go “old school” and tell the woman that you think that she is pretty and want to get to know her. Ask her out on a date and see where the night takes you.

Virginia: A rule that works well- don’t send an un-asked for d*ck pic. If you’re seeing a woman and she makes a request and you want to honor it, great. But sending an unasked for picture is at least rude and possibly upsetting. Also, your unasked for d*ck pic will be passed around at brunch, laughed at, and you’re gonna get talked about in not a good way, and word will get around and later your girlfriend will ask why you’re sending d*ck pics to other women.

8) Story Time: Do you remember your first d*ck pic? What was your reaction?
Virginia: I got one on my first smartphone, I had started working as a comic and my phone number got around on my business card. I got a very impressive-looking member from an anonymous person- It came with a message like “want to sit on this?” and I wrote back, “Hey, nice dick! Is this yours?” and after a minute they wrote back and said, uhhh. No. And I asked, why are you sending a stranger another person’s d*ck? And they didn’t write back after that.

Laura: Thankfully, I have never received a crotch shot directly. I have had a couple of scares when swiping through Tinder. I mean, honestly, you made a picture of your penis your profile photo and you think that most women will be into that?

I have a male friend who is gay and one evening he showed me an entire iphone screen chock full of genital pics. He was so happy about it and this was the moment when I realized how fundamentally different men and women feel about this subject.

Virginia: Hey! That’s a good idea. Send your d*ck pics to other men! Maybe you can form a club!