Busy weekend on Lyft! Last night’s lessons:
-stop driving at three or you’ll wind up in
Compton at 5:30 AM
– exotic dancers will sometimes rob you in your sleep in Thousand Oaks and scale a gate to get in my Lyft and complain about not being able to smoke in my car
Lyft Adventure Part 1:In Love in Lyft
I picked up a cute, fairly drunk guy at 2AM in downtown Pasadena, and he was texting someone while he gave me an address. We picked up a cute, fairly drunk girl and the magic began.
Guy: Let’s go to (name of bar)
Me: Uh, I think they’re closed, it’s 2am.
Guy: I think it’s open?
Girl: I just think I’m a…real easy going person.
Guy: I know, I know. I try to live in the moment.
Girl: You just..have to.
Me: Guys, this bar is closed.
Guy: (to me) oh! Let’s go to (restaurant.) Have you ever had a conversation this amazing happen in your cab before?
Me: (dryly) A Tinder date? Sure.
Guy: Noooo we met at a club.
Girl: You just came up to me and asked me to dance, and I couldn’t turn you down!
Me: OK, I’m sorry to say this restaurant is also closed.
Girl: I don’t even need to eat. I’m good.
Guy: OK, we’ll just go to In n Out and get a shake.
Girl: It’s like, you just…you took down all my roadblocks.
Guy: I know, I know. You told me.
Girl: All my defenses, just gone.
We get to In n Out. It is also closed.
Girl: OK, I guess…take me back to my place?
Guy: Naw, we can get out here.
Guy: My house is right over there. We can hang for a little while and get another car later.
Me: OK, here we are then.
Guy: Isn’t she just so cute?
Me: Yup. Here we are!
Girl: I just can’t believe how strong we vibe on each other.
(Moments pass. They’re just sitting in my car talking)
Me: You guys…can you go fall in love in someone else’s Lyft?
(I find this hilarious. Nobody thinks it’s as funny as I do.)
Remember, kids: Love is embarrassing but it’s ok if you’re both doing it, it’s like wearing white pants or doing the hokey pokey- but nobody thinks it’s as great as you do. Please be safe and use rideshare when you’ve been drinking and you want to pick up your after-bars-close date. Also, get the fuck out of my car.
Lyft Adventure Part 2: at 2:30 AM I picked up another call in downtown Pasadena. I waited at the address for a few minutes and saw no one, and a bar was emptying out across the street so I cruised it to see if my fare was there. After another minute, he walked across from the first spot, waving at me and pointing at his phone and making an angry “you’re an IDIOT” face about having to cross the street and I just thought “fuck this”, cancelled his ride and peeled out. He was a big douchey bro with black ink sleeves and a backwards baseball hat. I did not want to drive him to Azusa. Felt so good.