Working With Your Rapist: The Problem With Due Process
What we’re told in the Aaron Glaser case is: if a woman doesn’t report a rape, she’s not allowed to talk about it.
If the law doesn’t hand down punishment, her experience isn’t valid. She can’t talk about it, because it was never proved in a court of law.
That’s some witch trial sh*t. All “due process” means is he can’t be jailed before trial. It doesn’t mean the allegation can’t be discussed or used as a reason not to book him, or not to employ him.
Other dudes say “He’s a good dude”, which means, “He’s never mentioned being a serial rapist.”
The dude might say “I’m not a rapist”, because he thinks maybe I raped somebody, that’s not what I AM. I baked a cake once, I’m not a BAKER.
If a woman says, “I don’t wish to do comedy with my rapist”, her option is to stay home.
If she says “I don’t wish to file charges and go public about being raped”, her option is to shut up.
What do we do, as women comics?
We talk about rapists amongst ourselves, in secret groups.
We maintain secret lists of people we’ve heard are sexual predators because that makes us feel safe.
That also means, if a woman is attacked who didn’t remember a name from the list, it’s back to being her fault.
This week a friend asked me about a comic who I know to be someone who sexually assaults unconscious women. The word is that he raped a comic in my old town when she was drunk.
Is the comic going to report it? No. She feels ashamed, she wants to comfort herself and put it away.
So, when we can’t do anything to protect each other or ourselves, all we can do is repeat, I’m sorry. I believe you.
My own policy on rape and sexual assault is: I believe the victim, because 1. false reports are rare and 2. society is predisposed not to believe the victim.
My policy has lost me friends, because I didn’t “back up” an accused assaulter and other men in our circle think I’m not a good pal, because he’s a good dude.
And that’s a thing I’ll have to live with.