Stunning Tips For A Hot (Covid) Girl Summer!

Most of us have upgraded from our first masks, if you were lucky, the N95, which was a hot fashion item in March.

Now, we have an assortment of fabric masks in a fun array of colors and textures.  Our friends have made them, our moms have made them, maybe we’ve made them.  We’ve graduated from starting every outing by tying a bandanna around our faces like Jesse James. We’ve hit Etsy to get a mask with Batman or Hamilton on it, any fandom except Harry Potter because fuck that lady!   But how do we refresh our look for a long, hot isolated Summer?

Tip 1

Remember sunscreen!  It may feel safe to go out with sunglasses and a mask on, but if you don’t use sunscreen, your tan is gonna make you a reverse Panda bear.

Tip 2

For fun, coordinate your mask with your swimsuit, your sneakers, or the sweatpants you’ve been wearing for 150 days in a row!

You can wear a lined mask in breezy summer fabrics like poplin and broadcloth, do a printed floral for a flirty, feminine touch, or stick with canvas or denim for a practical, DIY look. 

Tip 3

If your mask looks boring, and/or you’ve gone insane, accessorize with sequins, rhinestones, or studs!  Not grommets, though.  Grommets are bad.

Tip 4

Cut up those band tees you’ve outgrown or gotten bleach on and make a mask by hand!  Now, everyone at the Trader Joe’s can tell you like Belle and Sebastian or Sebadoh!  Maybe you can put a band together on Zoom!  Super cool. Make sure and double line it.

Tip 5

If you don’t like wearing a mask, or don’t think you can breathe with one on, stay home!  Do you want to go grocery shopping without a mask? Order groceries online!  If you think the rules that apply to everyone else don’t apply to you, stay home and do a podcast, you fucking narcissist!  Stay the fuck home! 

Cheat-Sheet Letter for Covid-19

A helpful letter to send people during Covid-19

Dear Friend/Family Member/Other;

   I hope this personalized form letter finds you

A. safe

B. healthy

C. as well as can be expected

D. up to your earholes in homemade bread

E. making a killing selling black market hand sanitizer. 

This week, I made a few PPE masks at home and wanted to send you

A. one

B. two

C. several for you and your

A. spouse


C. pet

D. roommate

E. (N/A)

I hope that

A. sweet

B. little

C. handsome

  _______ is also doing well.

  I want you to know that I love you, and I know that you

A. love me back

B. wish I didn’t

C. know who I am. 

Remember, this is all temporary and one day we’ll look back at this time and laugh

A. ruefully

B. sexily

C. hysterically. 

It’s all just a fad, like dabbing or Linsanity or Snuggie parties, or when we put those old-timey moustaches on everything. 

   Keep safe, my brave

A. friend

B. family member

C. other

and I will see you on the other side, and we will clasp hands warmly and through our

A. hyperbaric chambers

B. rubber gloves

C. VR realities.

  Your Friend/Family Member/Other

  Virginia Jones