Fashion Tips For A Hot (Covid) Girl Summer!

Posted Posted in fashion

Most of us have upgraded from our first disposable surgical masks or, if you were lucky, the N95, which  was such a hot fashion item in March.

Now, we have an assortment of fabric masks in a fun array of colors and textures.  Our friends have made them, our moms have made them, maybe we’ve made them.  We’ve graduated from starting every outing by tying a bandanna around our faces like Jesse James. We’ve hit Etsy to get a mask with Batman or Hamilton on it, or any fandom except Harry Potter because fuck that lady!   But how do we refresh our look for a long, hot isolated Summer?

Tip 1: Remember sunscreen!  It may feel safe to go out with sunglasses and a mask on, but if you don’t use sunscreen, your tan is gonna make you look like a reverse Panda bear.

Tip 2: For fun, coordinate your mask with your swimsuit, your sneakers, or the sweatpants you’ve been wearing for 150 days in a row!

Tip 3: You can wear a lined mask in breezy summer fabrics like poplin and broadcloth, do a printed floral for a flirty, feminine touch, or stick with canvas or denim for a practical, DIY look.  Anything but mesh and organza is great!  

Tip 4: If your mask looks boring, and/or you’ve gone insane, accessorize with sequins, rhinestones, or studs!  Not grommets, though.  Grommets are bad.

Tip 5: Cut up those band tees you’ve outgrown or gotten bleach on and make a mask by hand!  Now, everyone at the Trader Joe’s can tell you like Belle and Sebastian or Sebadoh!  Maybe you can put a band together on Zoom!  Super cool.

Tip 6: If you don’t like wearing a mask, or don’t think you can breathe with one on, stay home!  If you want to go grocery shopping without a mask, order groceries online!  If you think the rules that apply to everyone else don’t apply to you, stay home and do a podcast, you fucking narcissist!  Stay the fuck home! 

Personalized Form Letter

Posted Posted in comedy, fashion

Dear Friend/Family Member/Other;

   I hope this personalized form letter finds you safe/healthy/as well as can be expected/up to your earholes in homemade bread/making a killing selling black market hand sanitizer. 

This week, I made a few PPE masks at home and wanted to send you one/two/several for you and your spouse/child/pet/roommate/(N/A), I hope that sweet/little/handsome  _______ is also doing well.

  I want you to know that I love you, and I know that you love me back/wish I didn’t/probably know who I am. 

Remember, this is all temporary and one day we’ll look back at this time and laugh ruefully/sexily/hysterically.  It’s all just a fad, like dabbing or Linsanity or Snuggie parties, or when we had to put those old-timey moustaches on everything. 

   Keep safe, my brave friend/family member/other,  and I will see you on the other side, and we will clasp hands warmly and connect through our hyperbaric chambers/rubber gloves/VR realities.

  Your Friend/Family Member/Other

  Virginia Jones