Virginia’s responses to Brandie’s questions:
What’s the worst present you’ve ever gotten?
My first thought was very hippie 2020, like, it’s a gift just to be remembered, even if the object itself is not inherently desirable to me? But it’s true, when you’re a kid, Christmas and Birthdays are your only chances to get stuff, because nobody will hire you to work because of the so-called “abuses” of the Industrial Revolution.
When I was 8 or 9 my Dad was hyping us up about a gift he had bought “for the family” and it was “electronic” and “everyone could use it” and it would be “good for our homework” so I thought it was going to be like a Deep Blue supercomputer or something and it was an electric pencil sharpener that he had really taken a shine to. It was beige!
When did you know you wanted to be a comedian?
As a kid, I was hospitalized with pneumonia over Christmas. All kinds of charity groups were visiting sick kids at Christmas and I felt very self conscious at getting attention because I was sick. I started trying to make jokes to distract. Also I got a cabbage patch kid for free from a church group and that fucking rocked. My sister was so pissed.
What’s your favorite fashion choice from your past?
As a goth, my fashion choices are very similar past, present, and future, but there was a moment after the first Matrix I bought myself a black pleather pantsuit at an indoor flea market in Dallas, TX that I wore to the goth club with sunglasses and a wet bob all the time and that was pretty great. At the end of the night I’d have to wring it out.
What’s your favorite joke you don’t do anymore?
My first closer was about Paris Hilton, and it was basically about how she was a marketing genius without talent. She went out of the public vernacular long before I realized it was a pretty misogynist joke. I closed on it for at least two years.
What’s your mask style of choice?
I bought a mask in Hanoi, Vietnam in 2008 and used that as the template to make masks that I sent to friends and family and wear myself. In Vietnam, it was mostly meant to keep the sun off your face and dust out of your nose when you’re on your moped.
VIRGINIA, ARE YOU PLANNING ON TAKING THE VACCINE?
I will camp out for the vaccine like I camped out for Nick Cave tickets. I’ll wear a sleeping blanket and cut holes in the sides for my arms so I look like a giant baby and I will bring bags of vegan jerky and fruit leather to share. Layer three fabric masks and a gas mask on top and I will wait it out.
Brandie’s responses to Virginia’s questions:
What’s something you’ve learned about yourself during lockdown?
Apparently if I was locked up, I would be in the prison gym all the damn time! I’ve been spending quarantine getting ripped, or as ripped as you can be while also stress eating donuts. My boyfriend just told me I have a back like a little bulldog now, so the new goal is to get even buffer to murder him AND maintain my mental health.
Who are your three favorite woman or nonbinary comedians?
Hmmm, there are so many to choose from! But my gut reaction was Maria Bamford, Michelle Buteau & Tig Notaro. They’re amazing, check them out if you somehow know me but not them!
What’s the first R rated movie you ever saw?
I have a pretty vivid memory of seeing Total Recall WAY too young & Arnold Schwarzenegger’s eyes popping out of his head. I gave up wanting to be an astronaut around that time.
Who was your first crush?
My first crush was Bruce Campbell in Xena: Warrior Princess. My last crush will be Bruce Campbell in anything he does.
What’s your favorite gift you ever got from a fan?
My podcast, Lady to Lady, had a fan who knitted dolls of the three of us while she was working on her doctorate when she needed a break from screens! All three dolls are in a three person shirt. We hang it from a hook in our recording studio & it creeps out guests who don’t see it at first haha.
What do you think of garden gnomes?
My dad has…. Maybe 12 garden gnomes? Some parents get a dog when their kids move out, my dad can’t stop going to garden stores & bringing home tiny bearded men. So what do I think of garden gnomes? I THINK THEY’RE COMING FOR MY PLACE IN THE FAMILY.
See also: Ladies of Comedy