SEATTLE! Look out. For Christ’s sake. I’m gonna be up there. Really soon. There’s very little you can do to avoid it, except, I guess, not show up at Chop Suey on Madison at 9. But what fun would that be? I’m traveling with the always-odd Christian Ricketts.
Behind the Story
At the risk of being an asshole, I want to tell you a story about this show.
With four years of comedy under my belt, I was delighted to be invited to come up to Seattle for a midweek showcase. I considered it a real high point in my career as a mostly unpaid comedian. I was also offered that I could bring another Portland comic for a set. Magnanimously, I reached out to Christian Ricketts, who was funny and who I liked, along with everyone else I knew. At the time, liking Christian was just a hobby, like how girls put on drag queen makeup for TikTok today.
PROK posted about the show on Facebook, and a woman in Seattle said something to the effect that she’d like to get a closer look at Ricketts.
This activated his ex-girlfriend, who lived in San Francisco. where she had publicly berated me onstage to a crowd that DID not GIVE a SHIT. She got in a car and drove to Portland and said she wanted to come along. It reminded me of the time NASA astronaut Lisa Nowak put on a diaper and drove cross country to attack her rival. Christian called me and casually asked, hey, can she ride with us?
I said no, I didn’t care for her, and I didn’t want to go from being on a buddy roadtrip to chauferring a couple. She was mean to me. He could drive them, or he could just not go, and either one was fine with me. Someone else could do his set.
I don’t know what conversation transpired, but he called and announced dramatically that he was coming alone.
We had a fun drive, and then one of the hosts, Kevin Hyder, greeted me and I introduced him to Christian. “And I understand”, Kevin said, “you brought another comic?”
No, I said, confused.
“Yeah, she called and said she was on the bill.” Amazing. Bitch had booked herself.
I don’t know if Christian’s Seattle admirer came or not, she didn’t appear to come introduce herself. Christian and I had good sets and had fun, and then we drove back and I dropped him off at 2AM, then went to work in the morning.
The ex girlfriend moved to LA but hasn’t done comedy in years, so all of this energy being aggravated with her is useless. I try to have empathy for her, but she’s only been awful to me, so it’s hard.