comedy

Radio Schmuck

One Of Many Reasons Radio Shack Is Gone

Last Tuesday, Portland temperatures hit 18 degrees Fahrenheit.  My GPS mount froze and broke in two.  How many other tiny tragedies are overlooked in the Snowpocalypse?  I went to Radio Shack and was presented with two equally crappy-looking aftermarket options to mount my GPS. Blindly, I picked one and left.
The next day I returned it, for the simple reason that the mount never stayed up on my windshield, not even for a whole minute.  I was very proud that I had remembered to bring my receipt, and waved it around in a vague attempt to impress the employees.  I then enjoyed the following conversation.

EMPLOYEE: And what’s wrong with it?

ME: It never held my GPS up, not even for a minute.
EMPLOYEE: And did you bring the packaging?
ME: Oh, sorry, no I didn’t.  It was all hacked up, anyway.

EMPLOYEE: Well, but now we can’t re-sell it.
ME: Well, that’s good.  It didn’t work, not even for a minute.
EMPLOYEE:  I’ll have to check with my manager.
ME: Well, I think that’s do-able.  He’s the only other person in the store.
And now, part two:

MANAGER: So, I understand you want to return this accessory-what’s wrong with it?

ME: It never held my GPS up, not even for a minute.
MANAGER: And did you bring the packaging?
ME: Oh, sorry, no I didn’t.  It was all hacked up, anyway.

MANAGER: Well, but now we can’t re-sell it.
ME: Well, that’s good.  It didn’t work, not even for a fucking minute.
MANAGER: Well, we’re supposed to repackage and re-sell returns.
ME: Okay.  Sorry.  (Stands in silence)
MANAGER and EMPLOYEE talk together.

Exciting Finale

Eventually, I am allowed to go pick out the other crappy-looking GPS mount system.  I notice that my first, gooseneck model has two taped-up returns on the wall that didn’t fucking work.  I guess they’re just looking for people to buy them who either lose their receipts, or don’t really need to look at a GPS, or those who die suddenly in strange lands, holding a non-working GPS mount.
The new mount works fine, though.  But I still have the receipt and the packaging, and also I have cleaned and packed up the outfit I wore to the store that day, just in case I need that, too.