Everybody has one, their first painful, awful, wonderful, unrequited crush? Right? Anyone? This is mine,Jeremy Schwartz. In my Junior High yearbook, he was voted Funniest Boy. He was active in drama and was a generally hilarious guy. I had never met a hipster before, or that many Jewish boys, and I liked him so much that I talked like a crazy person every time we met.
I know a lot of you are saying; “But how could you ever be socially awkward?” but believe me when I say: Late bloomer. Something about being raised by a man who had no friends kept my social skills weak. When the day came that I asked a friend of his what he thought of me, I got the answer, “He’s pretty creeped out.” This did not dissuade me from planning to name our first child Echo Schwartz, after Echo and the Bunnymen.
Fast forward twenty years, and I found his name in an IMDB listing for the fantastic Strangers with Candy, and dropping Viper-related wisdom on Sopranos, and I was thrilled to when Tivo fished him out of an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger as a snitch named Nicky. Spouse was vaguely horrified to see that I was looking at an episode of W,TR, and then said flatly, “Oh. It’s the guy from the yearbook.” When I heard him speak his lines, telling Chuck Norris’ friends that he would tell them anything to stay out of prison, I time-traveled back to 1987. I have maximum respect for his pursuit of his art, and I am so knocked out by some of the credits he’s racked up, I wanted to post his first dedicated fan page here, in an attempt to spice up his Google search.