Imagined preproduction interview with Jay-Z-
Director: What would you like in your video?
Jay-Z: Milk, flaming basketballs, corpsepaint, a dancer with diamonds on her face, paint being poured over Damien Hirst skulls, and teeth. Why, what were you thinking? Like, what if Matthew Barney made a music video? I’d love to have a Nike Dunk with the swoosh removed, filled with milk.
Director: Can we have birds, ink, and a vampire boxer?
Jay-Z: Sure, knock yourself out.
A skull-faced guy in a tuxedo has an emotional breakdown in the video, portrayed by a musician called Drums of Death who tours with Peaches. He’s Scottish. Of course. Scotland, of course, has had a rich and varied rap connection.
Director: Maybe we can shoehorn a yacht and a horse in there with the animal skulls and hand signals?
Jay-Z: Ok, but I’m not backing down on the hammer dipped in housepaint.
Director: DONE and DONE.