comedy

James and Julian: A Writing Exercise

5 minute writing exercise based on a tweet from Julian McCullough to James Urbaniak:

@julezmac- @jamesurbaniak hey James your creep radar is terrible I’ve been staring at you for 10 minutes at gate 51A
(view is of James Urbaniak wandering through his kitchen in a bathrobe, as seen through a slit in a wall panel)

Hey James

Hey  James

Can you see me

I can see you  

Can you feel my eyes on you

Are you ignoring me


How dare you ignore me

(muffled noise)

No Radiohead songs are about romance, do you ever notice, James?  They’re about failed romance.

Maybe that’s why Thom can’t keep anything together.  What would a happy Thom Yorke sound like?  I’ll bet he’s never happy.  Just manic.

Sometimes failed romance is the best kind, though- it protects you from disappointment.  Never had a start to begin with, just a doomed thing.  I’m keeping my last unexpressed crush safe in a Mason jar.  It can’t breathe but it’s safe and it’ll never get old.

James.  Psst.  James.  You got earbuds in man?  Earbuds in your own house, nobody’s got a record player so nobody bothers having a stereo. We never listen to each other.  You’re staring right at me but you can’t see me.  You’re listening to a podcast where famous people talk about when they weren’t famous yet, making everyone listening feel like being famous is inevitable.  Famous people used to not be famous, I’m not famous but one day I will be.  That’s the progression.  That’s the way it goes.
James.  You’ve gotta get better than this, man.  You’ve gotta get better than this.