This Halloween, I went back to my own nerdy childhood to be a sexy Ed Emberley bat, from the popular books where you were taught to “draw” animals, although truly you were drafting them based on basic shapes. I was very honored to wear it on a themed comedy show, Game Night, hosted by Laser Malena-Webber at a nerd-themed game shop, Geeky Teas in Burbank. (as if there is any other kind.)
This August, The Cure threw an end-of-Summer celebration at the Rose Bowl grounds called the Pasadena Daydream Festival. Who hates Summer more than Goths? Nobody.
I love the Cure, I love the Pixies, and I have never EVER seen Throwing Muses and was absolutely DYING to. Since the ticket was expensive, I steeled myself to going alone, but my friend Johnny Skourtis posted a self-pitying story on Instagram the morning of the show saying he was going alone, so I had a festival buddy!
The Day Of:
It was hot as shit. 30,000 goths were sweating and drinking. They sold out of Donut Friend brand vegan donuts. But: everything else was great. Throwing Muses, also known as Some Dudes and Kristin Hersh, were tight and AGGRESSIVE and wonderful. Pixies and their rotating Kim Deal impersonator were good, and The Cure have only gotten better at being the Cure. You want pedals? Layered guitar? Drone? You got it. The band has gotten famous 40 years into their career, and Robert is wearing it well, and seems much happier than he was when he was 30.
Meeting New Friends:
I was wearing an ancient Cure t-shirt that my sister has been begging me to throw out, and instead of throwing it out, I had repaired the holes with lace scraps, and a twenty something came to compliment me on it. He claimed that he was “the world’s biggest Cure fan” and that he had seen his first show in 2009. I told him I had seen my first show in 1986 at the Bronco Bowl, for Head on the Door, and he protested, I wasn’t even BORN then. That can’t be my problem, man!
Here’s the Cure’s playlist, including Just One Kiss, which was never played in the US before, but which I really like.
The Morning After:
The morning after, I was complaining to Johnny that although we had been drinking all day, it was so spaced out that I was never really drunk, but that I had a hangover, and then he sent me a video of myself singing to the Pixies that he believed disproved my theory. Anyway, it was nice having a friend for one day. Thanks, Pasadena Daydream Festival!
Postscript: Looks like everyone is searching for an actual festival called Gothchella, and I can’t help you there, but if you want to dress like a hot weather witch, a big floppy hat and a black slip is a great place to start!
I’m always glad to pop in on my two favorite dorks and talk about draculas, Bad Venom, Godzilla, and Halloween! Listen here!
I’m so excited to announce the release of my first album on Itunes today!
http://itunes.apple.com/album/id1060203732?ls=1&app=itunes
You can also buy a lovely autographed CD from me with additional art from Pete Ellison!
http://virginiajones.bandcamp.com/album/gothic-american
If you’ve ever wondered what I think about Caitlyn Jenner, Bill Cosby, Michael Jackson, feminism, catfood, Hot Topic, Northern White Rhinos, Dallas, Texas, Youtube, or gay rights, they’re all here! This record was recorded at the Complex, and if you were there, maybe you can hear your laugh!
Buy it, rate it, share it, love it, send it to your Mom, and most of all, pay me money for it!
PRICING STRUCTURE
THANK YOU for your support, THANK YOU for buying my record, and THANK YOU for being you.
My friend Simon Max Hill is a hard-working casting agent who has been casting Portlandia, Nike spots, and other important television from his seat in Portland,OR. He’s also an enthusiast of dancing, robots, and being a super weird generator of ideas at all times. On Tuesday, he announced that it was my responsibility to make a sock puppet music video, and by Thursday I had it up.
Here’s Dark Footish covering the Smiths. And to the nice lady who said “Oh, this is great, I hope there’s more!”- it currently has 22 views. I am the gothic Naomi Campbell of Youtube, I don’t get out of my coffin for fewer than 100 views.
Update: Four years later and we’re up to 140 views, only 410 fewer than a video of Bloodmeadow cracking her neck.
The Pina Colada song- I did this song interpretation at the request of my friend Drew Groove! I don’t really like this song, but it’s kind of a time capsule.
What if the lady from the Lakehouse was corresponding with a kid from Crystal Lake on Friday the 13th? This is a Camp Kittenpants exercise written by myself and @ahm76
Dear Mrs. Forster;
I just got to camp and found your letter in my mailbox! Thank you! I hope your lawn does OK for two weeks without me, ha ha. Listen, I don’t know if that rhododendron bush is gonna make it. I cut it back and tried to save it but it was really crispy. Man, It’s good to be back at camp. I can’t believe it was only last year that the one weird kid drowned. It feels like forever ago.
Anyway, I’m super excited. I got here early ‘cos I wanted to be able to pick my bunk and make my lanyard before all my friends got here, Steve and Dennis and Todd and Mikey. I’m hoping Angela will be here soon too. I’m a lot bigger this year and I hope Angela will be too. The good kind of big. Like, tits. I have a six pack of ding dongs my mom gave me to share with my friends! Camp Crystal Lake forever!
Best wishes,
Johnny R.
Dear Johnny;
I’m so shocked to hear that the camp has had two drownings in two years! I’m sure you heard- last week, a child named Jason Vorhees drowned and his mother has been beside herself. She lives on my street. She was inconsolable and had to be sedated, she showed up at the police station screaming. I feel for her. He was her only child, it’s the worst thing that could happen. She used to work at the camp, too, I don’t know what she’ll do now.
I am happy to finally get to know you better. You’ve been cutting my lawn for a year, and I’ve always wanted to invite you over for some lemonade and private chat. You’re very mature for 15. Very mature. I’m sure Angela will find that you’re big enough.
P.S. Rhododendron bush? I’ve been thinking of putting one in, actually. You’re a clever young man.
And I think we’re good enough friends now that you don’t have to call me Mrs. Forster anymore. Call me Kate.
Regards, Kate
Dear Mrs. Kate;
I’m 16 now, and I’ve been your lawn boy for two years. Remember? You gave me a portrait of yourself in a sequined nightie for my birthday. I don’t know what’s happening exactly with your letter, but the drowning wasn’t last week. That kid’s been dead since last summer. I’ll never forget it, camp was cancelled and we all got sent home but my parents were already in Puerto Vallarta. My folks don’t let me use the stove by myself, so I had to live on canned butterscotch pudding and pop-tarts for a week, and I still had some Ding-Dongs left over, so I ate those. When my parents came back they’d brought another woman with them, their new friend Amy. Her lipstick was all smeared. They didn’t expect me back for a couple more days I guess. That was all a year ago.
This year, things are going smoothly so far, but I’m a little worried because Angela and Mikey took off to the woods to go on a snipe hunt and they’ve been gone kind of a long time. Like, a while. They were holding hands, I wish they weren’t. Angela was supposed to be my girl.
Your Pal;
Johnny
Dear Johnny;
That’s strange. How many kids can be named Jason Vorhees in this town? I didn’t think we had that many Dutch families. Snipe hunting! I remember that. Boys would invite girls to go snipe hunting, but it’s really just an excuse for them to get away from camp and into the dark to make out.
Oh. I’m sorry, Johnny.
Anyway. I don’t know what you mean about your birthday present, but perhaps if you’re good I will do some poses in my nightie. Do you ever think about kissing girls? How about women? Has Angela taught you anything about how a woman likes to be treated? Maybe you two can come over after camp and show me what you’ve taught each other. I have some things to teach you both.
Regards, Kate
Dear Kate;
OK, camp has gotten really weird. Angela and Mike turned up dead. Nobody knows what to do. The counselors said it was an accident, but I saw the bodies in the nurse’s station! Both their heads were cut right off! How can that be an accident? There’s nothing in the first aid for decapitations. I guess you could stick popsicle sticks in their necks and pop the heads back and wrap the whole shit up in Ace bandage? Jesus.
Sorry, I’m really freaked out. I want to call my parents to come get me, but they’re in Cabo. Wish I knew the name of the resort. I guess they go to Sandals a lot. My mother says the mixed drinks are weak but my father says there’s no beating the price or the babes.
I’m scared. I’m hiding underneath my bunk. It smells like spiderwebs and Ding Dongs. I think I can smell piss. I think it’s mine.
Scared; Johnny
Dear Johnny;
Gosh, I’m sorry to hear about your friends! I spent today at the lake, actually. It was a beautiful day. I can really see why it’s called Crystal Lake. On a day like today, you can see all the way to the bottom.
You know, Mrs. Vorhees is getting stranger and stranger. She came to book club this week, but her dress was torn and she had mud in her hair and she hadn’t even read Joy Luck Club. She ran out crying.
So…do you ever wake up with an erection?
Regards, Kate
Dear Kate;
Please send help. I think you’re living in the past, I think. Literally, like. I think we’re at different times. My time is pretty bad. Please send the police to camp today, June 13th, 2014. All the counselors are dead. I think they’re dead. We don’t have phone reception. There’s no way to get help. I saw a kid with an arrow through his eyeball. His eyeball! How is that even possible? I don’t know what to do. I’m hiding in a woodpile. I think I hear footsteps. I’m sure he can hear my heartbeat. It’s so loud. I’m sure he can. Do you understand how to send help? Ask someone to come to camp in a year. Or you could come, bring guns and knives and kerosene, I don’t know.
Johnny.
Dear Johnny,
It sounds like you became quite the man at camp this year. If you want, I can come pick you up and you can come over and I’ll show you my bush. It’s a rhododendron, like you suggested.
Thinking of you warmly,
Kate