Bridgetown Comedy Festival!

Portland can’t wait for the first-ever Bridgetown Comedy Festival, from March 6-8! There is a HUGE roster of West Coast comedians, headlined by the star of the Oscar-winning food-cooking rat movie, PATTON OSWALT- and I believe that there’s some time in there for yours truly.

My Sets Are:
Thursday, March 6th: Mount Tabor Legacy Lounge, 8:00 PM
Friday, March 7th: Mount Tabor “Big Room”, 7:00 PM
Saturday, March 8th: Bar of the Gods, 8:00 PM.

POSTSCRIPT: It was fantastic. I got to see, meet, and point at so many funny, funny people. I was particularly knocked out by Kyle Kinane and Tig Notaro, and James Adomian, Jason Nash, and the lithe David Cope. Thanks to all who attended.

The hilarious Mr. Oswalt cuddles a puppy onstage. Don’t tell Grumpus.

James Adomian’s amazing George W. Bush was the surprise hit of the festival.

The only real record of me in the festival was a throwaway line about wrist-slitting, recorded in the Mercury blog.

Sleevedog!

Here is my addition to the Sleeveface project on Flickr- Hazel has always loved the Damned, and is part pig anyway. For those unfamiliar, this is a project where people pose with vinyl record sleeves in a way that completes the image.
If you haven’t seen the rest of the Sleeveface pool, it’s pretty incredible. Look here!

The Weirdest Argument I Have Ever Had


I had an all-day meeting at my soulless corporate job, and it was determined that we only needed a fifteen minute break for lunch, since it was catered. We have a great food service at work, and the cafeteria always has delicious vegan options, and I was dismayed to find that the meeting I had my choice of sammiches: turkey, chicken, and salmon.

I ran out to grab some food, an said sweetly to the organizer, it would have been nice to get a vegetarian option up in this piece, and she said, oh, you’re vegetarian? You can eat the fish. I have a lot of vegetarian friends, and they all eat fish.
Thank you for telling me that. I have only been vegetarian for TWENTY MOTHERF*CKING YEARS, vegan for six, and I am so INTERESTED to know that I can eat fish.
But really, it’s my fault. People used to give me the “I’m vegetarian, but I still eat fish” crap, and after repeated ridiculous conversations, black eyes, and hurt feelings, I gave up arguing. I gave up, and through years of misuse, the word has lost its original meaning and understood implication, which is that you don’t eat animals.

Getting Squirrelly in Kennewick

I just spent three delightful days in the Kennewick/Richland/Pasco area, doing comedy at Joker’s, opening for the fantastic Susan Rice. More importantly, I found this 50’s era rubber squirrel lamp. Here he is in his native habitat: in an antique store, between clackity teeth and a jeweled coin purse.

Spouse thinks he might be a bootleg/miscolored Flower, the skunk from Bambi, which might increase its resale value by as much as fifty cents.

Radiohead Covers The Smiths

I found this clip today and wanted to share it. I’ve never seen Radiohead have as much fun as they do recording a Smiths song about corporal punishment. I love them both.

Pete: Despite what you’ve been told, Robert Smith is *not* the lead singer of the Smiths.

Thinking on Canadian Goth


In the throes of postholiday depression, I was just remembering the majesty of Claude Tanner’s pre-suicide poem on Degrassi High. If Caitlin hadn’t dumped him, maybe now the actor David Armin-Parcells wouldn’t be a former Canadian child star working as a wine buyer in Troy, Michigan, and he’d be able to participate in the Next Generation Degrassi with Snake and Spike and the gang. Let’s take a moment to remember, shall we?

Autumn Leaves
Dying Leaves
Season of DEATH!
When winds blow cold
Thoughts of death creep in as I sleep
I dream I’m in a coffin
Safe from the life I don’t want to lead
I’m not afraid
Soothing, black and warm
SOOTHING, BLACK, and WARM!
Safe from the pain
And safe
From the fools
Safe, soothing, black.

Happy New Ears!

We had a Snickers fun-sized party in San Francisco in our hotel for New Year’s and had a great time with friends old and new.

Questions:

1. Who got the broccoli into the overhead light fixture? Follow up question: How?

2. Why would you use vodka as a mixer for vodka? That’s trouble!

3. How did Tommy split his lip on Jenner’s boot?

4. Why would a grown man yell expletives out the window on a holiday?

5. Why were my husband’s New Year kisses lavished on a new friend named Tater Tot?

I was proud to throw up in the historic Fairmont hotel, where scenes in Vertigo were set, and across the street from the Top of the Mark, where my grandma Virginia went to celebrate her wedding some 62 years ago.

We also visited the Hyatt Regency, which was used in the filming of the Vertigo parody High Anxiety.  INSIDE BASEBALL MY FAVORITE SPORT!

The Year In Review

Last year, my New Year’s Resolution was to Kick More Ass, which I think I achieved. This year, my goal is not to concern myself with people who don’t think I’m awesome. Life’s too short, and frankly, I only have so much awesome to go around anyway.

What We Got Up To

All in all, San Francisco was two tons of fun. We enjoyed SFMoma, hanging out with new San Franciscans Pete and Alex, lost Portlanders John Graham and Kyle from Satyricon, walking uphill at 90 degree angles, overdosing on Goth Loli in Japantown, the fantastic company of the Chongs, a show by the world’s finest Smiths cover band, This Charming Band, and two of their fan clubs, the Choir Boys and The Moz Crew. They were supported by a Spellbound, a Siouxsie and the Banshees cover project ably fronted by a former member of Rasputina.

Still and all, I’m sorry that my first post of the year does not contain much for my mother to be proud of.