WORSHIP at Comedy Church with Tuesday Thomas!

comedy church december 9 tuesday thomas

From the deranged mind that brought you FREAKSHOW, comedian and producer Tuesday Thomas reinvents the performance space as COMEDY CHURCH, on alternate Fridays in the space next to 4874 W, Adams blvd!

It’s COMEDY CHURCH: It’s a religion that worships laughter.

Welcome to COMEDY CHURCH: it wants you to have fun.

Sweet COMEDY CHURCH: it will get drunk and confess that it loves you.

At COMEDY CHURCH, we commune, drink, and laugh at dirty jokes.

COMEDY CHURCH will stream on PAGAN TV on ROKU!

Miraculously, the price of your ticket returns to you via tax receipt for a charitable donation under 501 c3, benefitting LGBTQIA and BIPOC youth. It’s a win-win!

The address is for the venue isn’t real- it’s next door and shares a space with a communist bookstore. WHAT AN ADVENTURE!

It’s all organized by Tuesday Thomas, Beautiful Lunatic, Tiktok’s TRANMA-who hurts BECAUSE she cares. She’s been featured on VH1, MTV, E! and BBC’s World of Weird.

If you do nothing else to give and take cheer his Holiday season, come check out Comedy Church! Tickets HERE!

I, HORROR NERD!

flyer for horror nerd with virginia jones

Halloween’s coming! And with that in mind, HORROR NERD is also coming! This August, it’s a witch-themed show featuring Jackie Steele, Samantha Hale, Allusia, Subhah Agarwal, and me! Tickets are HERE!

BURN THIS PANDEMIC!

BURN THIS PANDEMIC is a comedy show raising money for SELAH homeless charities

The inimitable Brandie Posey is raising money for SELAH with this comedy show. A roster of comedy all-stars will do short sets of pandemic jokes! The list includes the amazing Jamie Loftus, Chris Estrada, Greg Edwards, Ify Nwadiwe, and lots more! RSVP here!

The Photography of the Amazing Andrew Max Levy

portrait of Virginia Jones in a kerchief by Andrew Max Levy
Photo credit Andrew Max Levy

Andrew Max Levy, @justoffthesix on Instagram, has been shooting LA comics and comedy shows for years. He recently challenged Angelenos to donate to #blacklivesmatter in exchange for a portrait, and scheduled over 70 shoots. I was so glad to be part of an important fundraiser and get some nice shots.

virginia jones bowie shirt universal standard skirt plus size fashion
This ensemble is all the shit I bought to make myself feel better. Many of these items have never left the house before. Photo credit Andrew Max Levy.

The Riveting, Complete Map of Everywhere I’ve Ever Performed comedy

This is a riveting, complete map of everywhere I’ve performed comedy.  I update it when I perform somewhere new.

This map includes comedy performed at bar gigs, open mics, one-nighters, club weekends, tours, Tribble runs, festivals, and industry showcases.  It’s like a trainspotter guide, but just for the comedy of Virginia Jones.

This map covers mostly West Coast comedy, but I’ve got a couple spots in the UK, HK, and New York/Boston.

If I’ve ever done your show or your town and you wonder what I thought about it, you can probably find out!  Many of these venues have changed or moved or closed, but I’m still doing standup.  I’m still Sisyphus, just pushing a comedy rock up a hilarious hill.

Don’t feel bad for Sisyphus, by the way.  He was a real jerk.  Did you know he only married his wife because he hated her dad?   She had her own issues, she killed their kids when she found out.  Neither one of them were great people.  

Anyway, here’s a Google map of everywhere I’ve performed comedy!

White People and Black Lives Matter

White Americans: Wow, Black Lives Matter. I can’t believe all you’ve been through. How can we help?

Black Americans: Wow, that’s great, you can march with us, you can donate to #BLM and charities that help with legal fees and bail money, and you can make a habit of supporting Black businesses.

White Americans: Great. What else?

Black Americans: Well, you could amplify Black voices and also petition to local government representatives on behalf of Black people who have died at the hands of police.

White Americans: Happy to do that. And we will also post teary eyed videos about how we regret racism and we will get in fights with strangers on Facebook!

Black Americans: Uhhh if you want to

White Americans: Yes, we will seek out people on Facebook who we don’t know well and unfriend them if they don’t support #BLM!

Black Americans: Well, you can talk with your friends and family about systematic racism, that would be great

White Americans: Not enough! We will track down people we don’t know who are posting about all lives matter on Facebook and we will try to get them fired from their jobs! We will call other white women Karen, the worst thing you can call a person!

Black Americans: Uh you don’t have to do that

White Americans: STAND BACK AND WATCH US SHINE!

Showdown in Silverlake, or: Trouble at Trader Joe’s

I was not surprised at the line all the way around the Trader Joe’s, but the store wasn’t even open yet. Was I there too early, or too late? No time to think about it. I found my slot and lined up.

grocery store trader joe's showdown

I stood behind a man in a tie-dyed shirt that has a heavy-duty mask on, the kind with two plastic puck-shaped filters on the front, the metal band across the back of his head glinting dully in the sun.  Soon, another guy arrived and took the spot behind me. He had on a t-shirt that said SPACE FORCE. After a few moments, people lined up behind him. It was 8:15. We had forty-five minutes to go.

The more people lined up, the better I felt about my spot in line. I was in the perfect spot. The people in front of me were suckers. They weren’t going to get into the store any earlier than I was. The people behind me were assholes. They had no commitment and if the store ran out of Joe-Joe’s before they got in, so be it.  I had no pity for them.

I saw one woman ask another if that was really the line, then sigh heavily and trudge past us all in shame. My heart swelled with pride. I was achieving, just by being there. That’s right, look at my spot. This is my spot, and it’s delineated by two spray painted lines. I wondered if we’ll need them long enough to touch them up, or whether a year from now, they’ll fade into the tarmac, as the urgency and panic of this time fades in our minds.

Time passed. I did squats, trying to impress the guy in the Space Force t-shirt. He gave no indication of being impressed. I listened to a podcast, checked my phone, sniffed the air. It was heavy with the smell of eucalyptus bouquets and hand sanitizer. It was almost time.

What Happened Next

I heard her approach before I realized what was happening. She stood near the space between Corner Woman and Man After Corner for a moment, testing her chances. Looking down the line of people waiting in the sun, she stepped into Corner Spot, which wasn’t really a spot at all. HEY yelled Big Filters. THIS IS A LINE. She turned away from him, shielding her face in the sun. Masks make anonymity and boldness.

She carried herself like masked Casanova at an orgy- she could have anyone she wanted and none would be the wiser. She’d just blend into the crowd, with her shitty yellow floral top and her shitty curly hair. The woman in front of the corner turned to see what was going on, but she didn’t really care. It was, she thought to herself, no skin off her dick.

But it wasn’t over. Man After Corner tried a gentler approach, explaining to her at a distance that she had broken the rules, the only thing keeping us all from dying in the streets. Again, she turned away, raising her shoulder to him. The line moved forward again, faster. They were letting us all in. We had to make a mob decision, and we had to do it immediately. A woman not too far behind me threw the first stone. It connected to yellow shirt’s head solidly. A moment passed, but only a moment.

One Moment Later

A hail of rocks, keys, shopping baskets rained down upon her from all directions. She screamed, trying to protect her head with her hands, but she couldn’t dodge everything. It only lasted a few seconds. She made a dash back to her car, her yellow shirt spotted with blood among the flowers. We heard the opening, then the closing of the door of a Honda Accord. The line erupted in glee, but also it was time to be anointed with hand sanitizer and to enter the Trader Joe’s. My Joe-Joe’s would never again taste as sweet as they did this day.