Category: music

Learning Cockney Slang: Don’t Be A Berkeley Hunt

Kevin Keegan, not a vegan


In Cockney rhyming slang, “I’m going to the Fatboy Slim” means “I’m going to the gym.”  This is interesting, because as far as I can tell, Norman Cook’s fitness regimen is cocaine, which in cockney is “charlie.”

To call someone a “Berk” is short for “Berkely Hunt”, which rhymes with something that is the reason why the Mighty Boosh can never be shown in prime time in England, because the inoffensive-sounding “berk” is slang for something very dirty, something that rhymes with “hunt”, and starts with a “c”.

In cockney, to say something is Kevin Keegan, after the legendary footballer and coach, means that something is vegan. My tiny friend Emiko from Foodfightgrocery.com let me know this triv, that if you are at a party and pointing at various foods, asking “Zat Kevin?”, you are asking if it’s free of animal products, not made of an unlucky friend.

I took a picture of this sign at Nike, which makes me laugh but doesn’t make anyone else laugh, because it implies that the hallway is vegan. I think it’s Eddie. (eddie money=funny.)

byronbowie

  Postscript: Like most of us, I was watching the Julien Temple short film, Jazzin’ for Blue Jean, on the treadmill last night (sidebar: Bowie was 37 when this film was made, and in my opinion at the height of his personal awesomeness.  Goals, people.)  Anyway, in this film, when Bowie is portraying the most challenging role of his career, a scheming poster-hanger named Vic, he says “I’m a berk!”, which means that Bowie tricked MTV into letting him say “cunt” repeatedly on their network in 1984, which is just another reason he’s my hero.

More Self-Referential Bullshit

Sometimes I like to look at what drives traffic to Badinia.com. It’s like looking into your own bellybutton and finding eternity.

burning man costumes- Oh, I guess so.
virginia jones- Here!
leigh bowery- Of course.
dave vanian- Someone I think about a lot.
sisters of perpetual indulgence- Sure.
squirrel lamp- I’m a fan.
people who can not paid drugs- What?
open mic comedy portland- Yay!
burning man outfit- You again?
will.i.am trousers- I have thought about this.
silent hill halloween costumes- OK.
fighting squirrel artwork -More squirrel fans!
jock straps- What?
david blaine mother- I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned her. I don’t know why people are wondering about her, either?
mel flight of the conchords- My twin!
surgical mask porn- OK, seriously what the fuck.
japan lolita- Sure.
strawberry switchblade gothic- Naturally.
badinia dones- Of course.
baby spit- Don’t like it, don’t want it.
jackie kashian- My Homegirl.
claude tanner degrassi- Never Forget.
burning man costume- Oh, OK.
ian curtis dead- He sure is.
ron funches- Homeslice!
canadian comedy festival very fat comedian- Whoever this is, I feel bad for them. Their fatness was deemed Google-able. I hope it’s not Funches, who I love bunches!
brian j perez baby ketten- He has his stalkers.
auggie smith- What UUUP.
queen doris- Why, Yes!
capsule toys singapore- Sure.
french drag queen- Never have specifically written about one, but think about them a lot.
ameen belbahri- Aw yeah.
i close my eyes and walk out there and that’s where i start – Poetic! From Bill Hicks! If I google this and it takes me back to my own page, will I give birth to myself in space?
david bowie dressed as harlequin video- I’m proud to be a part of it.
why did lush discontinue goth juice?-THIS IS THE QUESTION OF OUR GENERATION.
donny don’t- My Pal.
virginia comedian portland- Sure.
dutch treats curious comedy- Of course.
famous mysterious actor bumbershoot 2011- Memories!
bridgetown comedy festival-A proud member.
badinia- sure.
transvestite maid- OK. Might be another person looking for Ryan Gosling.
virginia jones comedy- Sure.
scary big monsters killing people- I had never worried about this before, but now I’m worried! Are there scary big monsters killing people?
japanese amateur ass lady- How can you have an amateur ass?
open mic night comedy portland- Yay!
is billy bragg vegetarian?-I don’t know, is he?
dj rhienna portland- Yay!
bumbershoot mysterious actor- A living legend!
virginia lesbian comic portland – Uh oh.
mac and squatch- A fine film!
furious yellow band- Yay!

Wow, I feel like I’ve learned a lot, don’t you?

* I have gotten tired of people winding up here googling my ex-husband’s name, so I have replaced all incidences of it with Ryan Gosling’s name, because I am extremely mature.

Ghost Inside My House

Who doesn’t like a green screen, a free afternoon, and the Cure?    Nathan Brannon stars as the ghost, filming and song by Tim Kohl.  I did everything else, and I mean EVERYTHING.  Well, I sang and lip-synched badly, and I made the ghost costume.

Postscript: At Helium last weekend, someone walking by yelled, “I Like the Ghost song!” This is one of many things I love about Portland, and about the internet.

In Memoriam: Goth Juice

Last week I headed to Lush, the store that makes soap out of food, to restock one of my primary staples- along with soy lattes, I am  propelled through the world by Goth Juice, the vegan hairstyling product inspired by the Mighty Boosh that I first loved here. 

I stood in the middle of the store and looked around, casually, and then with ever-growing confusion, until a nice girl with a fashionable haircut broke the news to me- Goth Juice, Made from the Tears of Robert Smith, had been dropped from the LUSH offering.   I  dropped to my knees and started gasping like a trout, and  regretted the carefree, sloppy vigor with which I had dispatched my last tub of product. 

If I had known, I said, I would have made it LAST, maybe frozen a little bit for a special occasion, like my marriage to Noel Fielding, or the funeral of the person who discontinued Goth Juice.

Purple.  Slippery but dry, like the SLIME toy that was sold in the 80’s until every carpeting had SLIME mashed liberally into it.  It smelt like pine trees, or like a linoleum floor that had been washed with something that smelt like pine trees.  Lightweight and evoking Vince Noir and gravity-defying satsumas.  Infinitely superior to the greasy King of the Mods, which inexplicably survives.  If no-one else loved you, Goth Juice, I loved you.

 

Tonight! New Wave and Britpop Mash-Up!

Art By Kell Dockham

Me and spouse are heading to The Woods tonight to play records as our weirdzo 80’s DJ team, New Rotic. We’ve played every venue in this town, from the defunct Blackbird to the deceased Nocturnal to the underground Dunes. Lipgloss & Cigarettes are Portland’s finest retired britpop night, DJ’ed by “Beetlebum” Kell Dockham.  There’s no cover and there’s no stopping us, so come by around 9 o’clock!