Last week I headed to Lush, the store that makes soap out of food, to restock one of my primary staples- along with soy lattes, I am propelled through the world by Goth Juice, the vegan hairstyling product inspired by the Mighty Boosh that I first loved here.
I stood in the middle of the store and looked around, casually, and then with ever-growing confusion, until a nice girl with a fashionable haircut broke the news to me- Goth Juice, Made from the Tears of Robert Smith, had been dropped from the LUSH offering. I dropped to my knees and started gasping like a trout, and regretted the carefree, sloppy vigor with which I had dispatched my last tub of product.
If I had known, I said, I would have made it LAST, maybe frozen a little bit for a special occasion, like my marriage to Noel Fielding, or the funeral of the person who discontinued Goth Juice.
Purple. Slippery but dry, like the SLIME toy that was sold in the 80’s until every carpeting had SLIME mashed liberally into it. It smelt like pine trees, or like a linoleum floor that had been washed with something that smelt like pine trees. Lightweight and evoking Vince Noir and gravity-defying satsumas. Infinitely superior to the greasy King of the Mods, which inexplicably survives. If no-one else loved you, Goth Juice, I loved you.
Me and spouse are heading to The Woods tonight to play records as our weirdzo 80’s DJ team, New Rotic. We’ve played every venue in this town, from the defunct Blackbird to the deceased Nocturnal to the underground Dunes. Lipgloss & Cigarettes are Portland’s finest retired britpop night, DJ’ed by “Beetlebum” Kell Dockham. There’s no cover and there’s no stopping us, so come by around 9 o’clock!
I’m glad to see this Maxell ad with Peter Murphy’s “Blown Away” spot this week, because I sometimes thought I remembered it, and sometimes I think “That’s too weird, I must be nuts. Why would the lead singer of Bauhaus be in an ad for cassette tape?”
On the 9th anniversary of 9/11, I was reminded of sitting in shell-shock all day, and then going to see Belle and Sebastian in the evening. Only ten percent of the ticketholders showed up, so it was like seeing them at a really strange warehouse party. They were so kind to us, like a healing Scottish balm on our wounds. They played Turn, Turn, Turn by the Byrds. They’ve got a new record coming out in October. Everyone will say they hate it at first, but it’ll be great. That’s what always happens.
Over Labor Day Weekend I was afforded the opportunity to perform as part of the Famous Mysterious Actor show at Bumbershoot.
I held My Pet Monster and told jokes to people who were really not extremely sure what was going on. I don’t know what my facial expression is about, but I’m sure I thought I was doing something different.
Before the Show
I really enjoyed the show, and having “quality time” with some of my comedy pals from Portland, Salem, and Seattle. I liked having an Artist’s badge, which meant that I didn’t wait in lines with the “rubes”, and people looked at me, curious to know if I was famous at all, which I am not.
After the Show
After the show, I leapt out onto the gangway, eager to suck all the life out of the Bumbershoot music and arts festival for FREE.
Within five minutes, I was shocked and appalled to realize: I HATE MUSIC FESTIVALS! I was surrounded by young people who were over-bandanna’d and facial-haired, and excited about seeing bands called things like Leather Wolf Eyes and The Bambi Sluts. I escaped the grounds and headed out to eat delicious Seattle vegan foods at Pizza Pi.
It was worth it to see Billy Bragg play a show in the warm twilight. He had a sore throat, but soldiered through to play a great solo set. He made fun of my laugh, which he has not done since I saw him at Champaign-Urbana, Illinois in 1992 when he played for an environmental activist’s rally. MEMMOORIIIES! Oh, and I found all the old people. We were all at Billy Bragg. Hilariously, not one but two concert-goers yelled at him that he should play music and not talk politics. GO TO A DIFFERENT SHOW.
Seattlites, I stand before you proclaiming that this year’s Bumbershoot comedy line-up will be not only good but great.
I have been afforded the opportunity to join my favoritest talk show ever, the Famous Mysterious Actor show, alongside Billy Wayne Davis! I will be there at the Comedy Theatre West, The Vera Project Stage, for a wonderful show that starts at 1:15 with candy and screaming. Please join me!
The Famous Mysterious Actor, host of the hilariously surreal late night talk show parody known as The Famous Mysterious Actor Show, performs in what appears to be a Mexican wrestling mask, soiled army parka, and black fright wig. He was not born to fame, but is more than willing to thrust it down your throat.