I’ve always been an anglophile, have always thought British people were a little smarter and more sophisticated than we are. I assume women comics are treated pretty well there, although I had only done one UK spot, in 2013. My first show in the UK this trip was stacked with funny, capable women, and it was great. On my second show, I noted that I was set up back to back with the other woman on the bill, and I made a joke (which is not a joke) about how that wouldn’t happen in LA, because once we talk about our cats and our periods, what’s left?
The person I was talking to said oh really, and mistaking that for interest I said yeah, Maria Bamford just sponsored a college study reviewing gender and ethnicity in club bookings, finding that women accounted for just 16% of the work. The person I was talking to said, do you think there’s more than 16% of comics that are women? I turned to him and said, yes.
There are some great shows like Women Crush Wednesdays (back Jan 8!), L.A. WOMAN All Female Revue, and The Mermaid Comedy Hour that are incredibly strong and well-attended, but bookers still get asked- will you have enough funny women to fill the spots? And yeah, they do. The person said in a huff, I don’t agree with women showcases. I don’t think they should exist. I think it should just be: comedy! And then he got up and did his set about how he’s from this place and he’s like this, and his girlfriend is from this other place and she’s like that.
I learned a lot. I learned who I shouldn’t talk to, I learned that there are plenty of hacks in London, and I learned that it’s important to support talented women. Anyway, I’m honored to be back on L.A. WOMAN All Female Revue on Sunday at 7 at the Virgil, it’s gonna be a hoot- women will dance, sing, and tell jokes, and we’re gonna show these idiots what’s what! Come on out and join us.
I got a pair of wireless headphones. We were happy for a while, or, at least, I was. I paired them to my phone and learned their name.
I lost them within a week. They were gone before I recycled the box they came in. I had been worried that the chassis that held the charging port wasn’t very sturdy. I didn’t have to worry anymore.
It was so sudden. “They’ll be back,” I thought. “As soon as I buy replacement wireless headphones, they’ll come back to mock me.” I didn’t want to be like in the movie where the woman who has been missing assumed dead meets her husband’s new wife. “I moved on,” he tearfully explains. “What else was I supposed to do?”
I was in denial. The days waned on and on without them, and finally I thought, well, if they turn up again, I’ll have two. I got another pair.
I’ve had the new pair twice as long as the first.
They never turned up. They had stepped off the planet and released themselves into space, forever, trailing their weird little rubber stoppers behind them.
I’m delighted to come visit my NorCal friends next week to headline two shows at DNA’s comedy lab! If you’ve seen me before at the Santa Cruz festival, this will be all-new material, and I’m bringing the young, vivacious Rick Wood to feature. It’s gonna be a fun, reasonably-priced time, come on out! Tickets here.
Comedy moves quickly, but these bits will get you on all the cool shows and festivals, because everyone’s doin’ em!
Extremely Detailed Solipsism Pretending To Be Mad About Small Things ShockJock (90’s Nostalgia) Fat Guys, Shirts Off If I Yell It, It’s A Punchline I Pooped In Public, A Closer White People Interpreting Rap Lyrics Homeless People Are Weird That Time I Ate Too Much Pot Hillbilly Philosopher (Nihilism in a Trucker Cap)
When you submit your comedy album to Pandora, like I did with my comedy album, Gothic American, they sort your tracks into little pre-written buckets for their algorithm- and the description of the tracks from my album, Gothic American, make a nice little poem about my comedy:
Paradise Lost The Circus/Freaks/Etc. Blues music “All Things Move Towards Their End” The Supernatural The Bible A Gun Greek poetry A small, but surprisingly sharp, knife End of Days The American West/Pioneers/Lawless lands People who were born evil Messed Up Preachers Being Attracted To Women Who Are Married To Someone Else Whom You Then Kill Lots of Murders, misunderstood criminals The Devil Being suspected or discovered to be a murderer Alcohol Jesus Floods Truman Capote’s In Cold Blood Sociopathic Narrators Women and children grieving for lost husbands and fathers Dark-haired ladies Whores A mandolin loop A big big gong Subset: what kind of beautiful dark-haired woman do you want in here?
A. Sad B. Vengeful C. Murderous D. Angelic E. With a heart-shaped face and a west country accent