Christmas Eve Massacre!

An innocent Cinnamon Bear was trying to go to bed and wait for Santa, with his Mallomar Christmas tree and a wreath made out of a fruit loop and half a Red Hot, when a horrifying creature showed up and destroyed his house.

Chico did not actually get to eat as much of the house as it looks like, although he did throw up gingerbread graham crackers later. Merry Christmas!

A Moving Plea

This is the time of year when my dogs most personally resent the "lifestyle choices" that spouse and I have made. They say, yes, meat is murder, but surely turkeys are only manslaughter. They see the Thanksgiving grocery store commercials on the television and smell giblet gravy and turn up their flat, leathery noses at Tofurky. If you and your family have any extra table scraps for these spoiled, fat, farting bastards, please mail them to our house in a greaseproof envelope so they will shut up.

Ground Control to Major Dog...

For some reason, I am compelled by ungodly forces to report when my dogs have to go to the vet. Today, Hazel had to have a thorn removed from her paw, just like Aesop's fable, except that instead of a lion, it's a dog who looks like a bat and sounds like a pig, and instead of a mouse, it's a vet, and instead of exchanging favor for favor, he charged us $700.
And now I have a Space Dog, because she can't stop licking her foot. I think my dog is like a person in many respects, but if you had a hurt foot, your solution would never be: lick all the hair off, and when it's red, swollen, and irritated, keep licking.

Never stop licking.

Maybe there's a lesson we can learn here after all, about where persistence gets you- in a space dog collar.

Shady Dealings in Scapoose

I had no idea that my bulldog was into the occult.

I was in Scapoose recently. Yes. Don't be jealous. I was in Scapoose, minding my own business, and I was SHOCKED to see my own little bulldog, Hazel, naked and dancing in front of flames in some sort of doggy occult ceremony. When I asked her, she said she did not know anything about the illegal trash fire, but hail Satan.

Time-Travel Shocker

A fantastic individual has passed me this blog of antique photographs: imagine my surprise to learn that my own Chico is 92 years old!

That's 644 in dog years!

No wonder he doesn't like kids in his yard.

Who are you?

They really want to know.

Let this be seen as a lasting treaty between France and Great Britain.

Adventures in the Little Apple- Manzanita!

Every dog dreams of the day she'll ride in a Volvo to the beach at Manzanita.

Chico Jones can't wait!

Sometimes, a small French bulldog takes time to reflect on the beauty and impermanence of life and its shifting, ever-changing sands. Also, they like to examine dead crabs and birds on the beach.

A beautiful, mystical morning on the Oregon coast! Moments after this, a ghost pirate ship sailed by.

We are tired now.

It's Been A Hard Day's Night

I read with great interest this article from the NYT about dog behavior: dogs responding positively to stimulus will wag their tail predominantly to the right, whereas dogs unsure or hostile will wag to the left, and this is tied to left and right-brain activity. When we tried to duplicate the results at home, we were stymied by the fact that our dogs were born without tails. Chico has a little stump, but instead of wagging back and forth, he does a counter-clockwise rotation, like a helicopter blade. However, my innovative research partner took the project in a new direction, and armed with snacks and a cellphone camera, researched a dog's willingness to enter gainful employment for treats.

Dogs will work for Lil' Smokies beef sausages. These dogs offered to sit, stay, dance, wash a car, and complete tax forms (the E-Z, not the 1040) for the Lil' Smokies that they were offered. The little one offered to write the sequel to Wild Hogs, the John Travolta motorcycle movie.

Dogs will not work for an apple.

Please note the total lack of interest.

And after over a year of writing a blog (it's still hard to say the word), I have finally worked out what mine is about:
1. Comedy
2. Dogs
3. Music
4. Costumes
5. Madness.

Pleasure in the Park

I do not normally condone this kind of sexist, exploitative filmmaking, but since the male star is a personal friend and both participants are neutered, I feel the need to share this short film of his exploits. Loo is Hazel's cousin, although he looks a lot like Chico. Please do not show this film to impressionable young children. Jaded young children can watch with my permission. It was the 22nd most watched animal-themed film on Youtube yesterday, which is something like an Emmy.

My little superstar this weekend was our temporary ward, Xev, who is the same size and weight as a large baked potato. If she looks a little evil, it's not an accident.