Gus Van Can't...(stand amateur comedy)

When I got to the Boiler Room last night for five minutes of open mike time received with monklike silence, I sat down at a table with two other gentlemen, finding one of them kinda familiar. I assumed it was someone I had seen do stand-up, but then I noticed was that he was drinking a three-olive Martini, which I thought was a little Pearl District for Old Town, and then I realized that I was sitting with Oscar winner Gus Van Sant, and his suitcases, and his date. I tried to eavesdrop a little, and was surprised to hear that he was actually talking moviemaking with his compatriot while I tried to memorize jokes.
I was kind of excited that the man behind Drugstore Cowboy might see my five minutes of stand-up, and I thought that he might be impressed by a joke I was telling in German and decide to do a fantasy biography of my life, possibly casting Nick Cave as my husband, but when our esteemed emcee Kevin Michael-Moore launched into a version of The Girl From Ipanema where said girl is legally blind, my new famous friend found his legs and skedaddled, his attractive drinking partner carrying his bags. It was clear after his departure that every other comic had also noticed who it was, and most had prepared a joke for him, but then we just told them to each other, like usual.
My five minutes, including the joke in broken German, is posted in the "downloads" section at right.

One down, 999 to go

Another one of my favorite people, Eddie Izzard, says that in order to get good at stand-up, you just have to do it a thousand times. I finally put my mike where my mouth was last night at the Boiler Room. Here's that file:

http://www.badinia.com/boilerroom5.29.mp3

When I first walked in with my glamour posse, I assumed that roughly every third person was there to do a five minute set, but it was clear by midnight that every single person in attendance wanted mike time. Straw fedoras and "wacky" t-shirts abounded. The night was such a sausage party that I sailed into the ladies' room past three anxiously waiting gentlemen, which never happens. As new meat, I was bounced 21 times and finally went on at a quarter of midnight. That explains something about the recording- the reason why it seems like only six people are laughing is that there were only seven in attendance at this point. I was pleased that everything got some kind of laugh, and was winding up for my finish when a cute but very inebriated metrosexual got up and started taking his clothes off, which was okay, but then he started taking my clothes off and putting a flashlight down my shirt, to what end I am not sure. So I took off abruptly, in the midst of the Emcee yelling "You're gonna get kicked out again, Bobby!" All in all, I am fairly happy with how it went - I got a good reception from the few remaining patrons and comedians, and I plan to go back most Mondays and practice some more. But not for the next two weeks, 'cos I'll be in South Korea, Thailand, Singapore, and India.
One comedian there had XM radio, and I talked up to her about Ron and Fez. We're gonna take this coast, one drunk at a time!




Photo credit: Darrell took this shot at the subway station in Tokyo, where we are reminded not to allow our cat's tails to get stuck in the closing train door.

Postscript: That heckling drunk metrosexual wound up being my friend Bobby Hacker!