Emily Post-Punk

Politeness is important. Here are my favorite polite comments to offer, especially to stand-up comedians.

"You looked like you had a lot of fun up there!"
"Wow, you're really committed to that material!"
"You've got...a lot of energy."
"I don't care how many times I hear 'em, I love those jokes!"
"You got more laughs than it sounded like."
"That's right, screw 'em! You keep doing what YOU think is funny."
"You're so brave to get up and do that!"
"You...and I mean this...you do more with less than anyone in this scene!"
"I sure admire your persistence! Keep it up!"

The Rich Life In Recession

Photo by Artikip

I know that there are troubles in the world. However, the recession is the time for comics to shine! We have not received an increase in pay since 1991, so we're skilled in every day ways to make money, like reusing tea-bags and road ass. I sure hope I can find some acid-washed jeans with my early nineties money! The economy has gotten so bad that I'm upper-class now, and I can prove it. I can offer three forms of classy identification, including my Platinum Subway punch card, for which I might acquire a FREE fancy sandwich after purchasing eight of the selfsame sandwiches, a Costco card bearing a golden star that indicates that I might go and make bulk goods purchases at any time after 11AM, when the platinum star people have stopped stinking up the place with their rich perfumes and Corinthian leather smells, and also a card which affords me access to more world-class literature and media than one could consume in a lifetime, which says Multnomah County Library upon it, with my name, emblazoned in richest ebony ink. I must go and polish my solid gold boot-buttons now.

There Ain't No Sanity Clause

Well, I'm about to be three years old- This May 25th is my third anniversary in stand-up. That's not much in the world of comedy, but it's as much as I've ever done. It has gotten me many things, such as being recognized at Montage and at Chaos Cafe. I was having a few sincere thoughts about it, and would like to offer you, dear reader, some completely unsolicited advice.
When I was new, I got laughs by accident, or by luck. I got superstitious about it. The first time I had a good set at an open mike, I never wanted to go back and "ruin" it.
A lot of new comics dwell on and overanalyze their first set, their second set, and it doesn't really matter. They say, I bombed, or I killed, and neither one is true. You're not good enough to bomb. You got lucky. The first time a person gets up to do stand-up, it might be interesting, it might be funny, it might be good writing- but it won't be great stand-up. There are too many microskills that need to be formed. You just have to do it again and again. The good news is that taking a microphone out of a stand 100 times makes for some pretty slick karaoke.
Truly bombing is a gift- if you can survive a room hating you thoroughly, then you know that nothing can be worse than that, and you can get past it.
Where I am now: I can get laughs pretty consistently. It's still like a magic trick, I don't know quite how it's done but I can do it. I found my old notebook and started using material that I had abandoned, because it didn't used to work, and I can make it work now, can better communicate the funny to the audience.

Here is some of the best of the many pieces of advice that more skilled comics have given me:

- Don't disengage between jokes, keep eye contact with the audience.

- The longer the setup, the bigger the laugh needs to be at the punch.

- Write a hundred jokes on a premise and cut down to what works.

- Try to match the crowd's energy. Don't scream at a mellow room, or whisper to an excited, party room.

And my advice is:

The first mistake every comic makes is: Talking too fast. Slow down.
The second mistake is different for everyone. You'll figure it out.