fashion Archives ⋆ Page 2 of 11 ⋆ Virginia Jones

The Getty Challenge: Portrait Of Madame X

virginia jones as John Singer Sargent's Portrait of Madame X

At the start of the Covid-19 lockdown, the Getty museum’s twitter account challenged people to recreate works of art at home, with things they had. I did John Singer Sargent’s Portrait of Madame X.

Someone commented that I referenced the original strapless version, which was so sexy that the artist had to add straps. It wasn’t a reference so much as my gown is made of a swimsuit and a bedsheet.

Trivia fact: The original model and I are both named Virginia.

Dollface Productions

Dollface Productions is a plus size vintage Etsy store of comedy superstar and glamourpuss, Jenny Zigrino. Here’s a dress she got me that not only fits like a dream but is totally and completely my shit. Click on it to go to her Etsy store, which she keeps stocked with great plus size vintage finds!

Stunning Tips For A Hot (Covid) Girl Summer!

Most of us have upgraded from our first masks, if you were lucky, the N95, which was a hot fashion item in March.

Now, we have an assortment of fabric masks in a fun array of colors and textures. Our friends have made them, our moms have made them, maybe we’ve made them. We’ve graduated from starting every outing by tying a bandanna around our faces like Jesse James. We’ve hit Etsy to get a mask with Batman or Hamilton on it, any fandom except Harry Potter because fuck that lady! But how do we refresh our look for a long, hot isolated Summer?

Tip 1

Remember sunscreen! It may feel safe to go out with sunglasses and a mask on, but if you don’t use sunscreen, your tan is gonna make you a reverse Panda bear.

Tip 2

For fun, coordinate your mask with your swimsuit, your sneakers, or the sweatpants you’ve been wearing for 150 days in a row!

You can wear a lined mask in breezy summer fabrics like poplin and broadcloth, do a printed floral for a flirty, feminine touch, or stick with canvas or denim for a practical, DIY look.

Tip 3

If your mask looks boring, and/or you’ve gone insane, accessorize with sequins, rhinestones, or studs! Not grommets, though. Grommets are bad.

Tip 4

Cut up those band tees you’ve outgrown or gotten bleach on and make a mask by hand! Now, everyone at the Trader Joe’s can tell you like Belle and Sebastian or Sebadoh! Maybe you can put a band together on Zoom! Super cool. Make sure and double line it.

Tip 5

If you don’t like wearing a mask, or don’t think you can breathe with one on, stay home! Do you want to go grocery shopping without a mask? Order groceries online! If you think the rules that apply to everyone else don’t apply to you, stay home and do a podcast, you fucking narcissist! Stay the fuck home!

Lady Bloodmeadow Kills It On Tinder

Lady Bloodmeadow joins Tinder. If you want a goth girlfriend, please watch her video. She really only has one requirement for partners. If you’d like to see more of Bloodmeadow, check out her Youtube playlist here.

Cheat-Sheet Letter for Covid-19

A helpful letter to send people during Covid-19

Dear Friend/Family Member/Other;

I hope this personalized form letter finds you

A. safe

B. healthy

C. as well as can be expected

D. up to your earholes in homemade bread

E. making a killing selling black market hand sanitizer.

This week, I made a few PPE masks at home and wanted to send you

A. one

B. two

C. several for you and your

A. spouse

B.child

C. pet

D. roommate

E. (N/A)

I hope that

A. sweet

B. little

C. handsome

_______ is also doing well.

I want you to know that I love you, and I know that you

A. love me back

B. wish I didn’t

C. know who I am.

Remember, this is all temporary and one day we’ll look back at this time and laugh

A. ruefully

B. sexily

C. hysterically.

It’s all just a fad, like dabbing or Linsanity or Snuggie parties, or when we put those old-timey moustaches on everything.

Keep safe, my brave

A. friend

B. family member

C. other

and I will see you on the other side, and we will clasp hands warmly and through our

A. hyperbaric chambers

B. rubber gloves

C. VR realities.

Your Friend/Family Member/Other

Virginia Jones

Easy Packing For All Ages

Packing for all ages:

30’s: I gotta get my nails and toenails done for my trip!

40’s: Doesn’t give a fuck.

30’s: I’m gonna take a little bag of jewelry curated to work with my outfits!

40’s: Doesn’t give a fuck.

30’s: Brought two styles of sunglasses for different lewks.

40’s: Own three pairs of the same sunglasses, Hollis by Oliver Peoples. Does not give a fuck.

30’s: Wait, should I buy a mini of my trademark perfume or should I try something new for the trip?

40’s: Doesn’t wear perfume at home, doesn’t give a fuck

20’s: Brought books.

30’s: Brought kindle.

40’s: Broke half a dozen kindles, now watches Youtube videos of kids kicking each other in the nuts on her phone the whole trip. Does not give a fuck.

30’s: Brought running shoes, dress shoes, and casual shoes for travel.

40’s: Brought one pair Chuck Taylor high tops and cannot possibly give a fuck.

30’s: Need room for my DSLR camera!
40’s: Bringing phone.

30’s: Need to carry on my laptop.
40’s: Bringing phone.

30’s: Bringing exquisite outfits for trip, is heartbroken she can’t bring more shoes.
40’s: I don’t know these people, who gives a fuck?

Wait, am I maturing and becoming more comfortable in my own skin- or am I just depressed?

Three Great 80’s LA Movies With “Girl” In The Title

Modern Girls

With Daphne Zuniga, Virginia Madsen, Depeche Mode and Jesus and Mary Chain on the soundtrack, a great opening scene at Bullock’s on Wilshire, great shots of Melrose when it was skeevy AF, a dramatic scene at the Mulholland fountain on Riverside, a great goth bar scene, and a great role for my friend Rick Overton as a British tour manager. There’s a Toni Basil song on the soundtrack, a Hamlet reference, and a joke about The Graduate’s “Plastics.”

Earth Girls Are Easy

With Geena Davis and HOT JEFF GOLDBLUM HOLY SHIT, the very funny Julie Brown, ANGELYNE!, Michael Mckean, and Jesus and Mary Chain and Depeche Mode on the soundtrack. NILE ROGERS soundtrack! There’s a Dennis Quaid song on the soundtrack! Small role for Rick Overton. Deeply stupid, but not as bad as you’d think (hot Jeff Goldblum.) You find out that if you shave an alien Jeff Goldblum, he becomes very hot.

Valley Girl

With a hot ass baby Nick Cage, the Plimsouls, scenes shot in what is now the Viper Room, and songs by the Sparks and Josie Cotton. A movie about punks who listen exclusively to New Wave! A movie that was sued by Frank Zappa! Two ladies who were later in Real Genius! Directed by Martha Coolidge, who pulled a MEGA-HIT on a budget of 300K! She was also told that she HAD to have four shots of bare breasts in the film, which she agreed to, but there was no indication of how long the shots had to be, so they are blink-and-you’ll-miss-’em boobs. There is also a Toni Basil song on the soundtrack and a reference to the Graduates’ “Plastics.” No Hamlet, though!