Reading Between The Lines: Interpreting Craigslist Missed Connections Part 3

Posted on Posted in comedy, los angeles

 

“Let me eat your pussy – m4w – 34 (Marina Del Rey)
age : 34 body : average height : 5’10” (177cm)

Looking for someone who wants their pussy serviced orally. I am not looking for anything in return.

Open to all ages and sizes.

I am clean and expect you to be the same.

If interested reply with the name of a state in the subject line.”

 

OK, this one’s a little more straightforward, but I think I can get the following out of it.

“age : 34 body : average height : 5’10″”

age : 34 body : fat ¬†height : 5’8″

“Looking for someone who wants their pussy serviced orally. I am not looking for anything in return.”

It’s a calculated risk, but I think I can probably guilt you into at least a handy.

“Open to all ages and sizes.”

I am extremely challenging to look at. It’s OK if you’re the same. No matter what you think, you will never be able to picture what will greet you at the door in Marina del Rey. ¬†Look, I know I’m not going to get a supermodel, but if you have a vagina I will try to lick it. I am not good at it. If I were good at it, I would have a roster of women texting me at bar closing time every night.

“I am clean and expect you to be the same.”

It seems weird that I have to point this out, but apparently the people who successfully avoid venereal disease are not the same people who are willing to risk their lives to get oral from randos on Craigslist. Anyway, after years of living on processed cheese and chicken nuggets, I don’t have the cardiovascular health to keep it up with a condom on, so please at least tell me you’re disease-free.

“If interested please reply with the name of a state in the subject line.”

I didn’t finish high school and I would like to learn some more names of states. I figure, two birds!

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