I'm A Weiner

I just back from a casino gig in beautiful Coos Bay, OR. It was a fun gig supporting the very funny Milt Abel. After my last casino gig in Pendleton, where they carried the Native American theme through to offering smallpox blankets, the Mill Casino seemed like a fancy dream. Generally, I'm too cheap to gamble, and would prefer to throw my money in the toilet- but I was trying to hide my eyes from the sadness of a five hundred year old woman putting pennies in a slot machine, threw two bucks in a poker slot, and won ten dollars American. I'm a winner, no matter what they said in high school! Ten dollars=PROFIT!

Kelso Wonderland!

Having your name in lights makes you feel important!

Having your name misspelled in lights only slightly less so.

Really and truly, I had a grand time featuring in Kelso for Mark Saltviet.

Can You Help A Bitch Out?

One of my favorite periodicals, Bitch, (come on- this comes as a surprise to no-one) is in a financial pickle. Donations are tax-deductible and will help you sleep at night. Here is the editor and her special friend. http://bitchmagazine.org/donate

Postscript: Looks like they made goal in a jaw-dropping three days! Feminism's not dead, despite Sarah Palin!

Party Pooper

I met this little guy at an adult person's party this weekend. He broke the cardinal rule of drinking parties and fell asleep first. Boy, is he gonna be upset to wake up with a dick on his face! Even his dad was embarrassed to be seen with him, but they had gotten there in the same car and stuff, so he had to drive the shamed baby home.

If you're wondering what's wrong with me, I don't honestly know.

Portland Area Comedy Open Mikes!

I have had some questions lately about where people can see free and enjoyable local comedy, or where they should go to perform some, and although I try hard not to have anything useful on this page, I am too lazy to write things down for people and would like to have something on the internet.

Monday Nights: Boiler Room with Kevin Michael-Moore. NW 3rd and Davis.

This is the longest-running open mic in Portland. It is six years old this Summer. It is also the only open mic advertised in the free weeklies, so people know about it. Sign-up is at 9, the show is from 9:30 to 11:30, or earlier, karaoke follows! Kevin Michael-Moore is an amazing emcee. I like it there. It's non-smoking, and Kevin keeps the chitchat to a minimum.

Tuesday Nights: Suki's, at SW 4th and Carruthers. Host Dax Jordan.

This is a fun room in the dive bar in the basement of Travelodge. The comics believe that sitting in the small cul-de-sac room is the same thing as being in a soundproof shark cage. It's smoky. Dax is skilled and funny, and this is the hands-DOWN best place to be ignored by your friends in the shark cage while they talk about who threw up in whose car, and also who has pot.

Wednesdays:

Roots: SE 7th and Hawthorne, starting at 9 PM- on the first and third Wednesdays of the month.

Thursday Nights: A new mic is opening at the Mt. Tabor Lounge on November 6th! Details later!

Sunday Nights: Harvey's Comedy Club on SW 6th. Signup at 8:30. Try stuff out in the lounge to practice for the Big Room. The Host rotates, because it is the emcee of the Big Room.

Come on out and have fun with us! Remember, sleep's for the WEAK!

Tonight! Seattle comes to Portland!

If you are one of the few people on earth who likes laughing at things that are funny, please come out to the Bagdad to check out some Seattle comics who have roadtripped down to share their funny with us! Hosted by the charming and phobic Veronica Heath.

How are my Chicks? Well, they're on Speed.

Chicks on Speed sometimes look like Kraftwerk Orange from the Mighty Boosh.

Alert Consumer Peet pointed out this week that Payless Shoe Source was running an ad with a Chicks on Speed song in it, Fashion Rules. A decade ago I would have spit on the ground and called them traitors or sellouts, but these days I'm not sure there's any such thing. I just felt happy for them that they made money with a great song, and that Payless can sell more cheap-azz vinyl shoes. To me.

Alert Consumer Peet has also pointed out that there is a song on the same Chicks on Speed record called "Sell Out." My brain may explode!

Behind the Mask: The Famous Mysterious Actor Exposed!

For those of you wondering about the shadowy whereabouts of the Famous Mysterious Actor in between his show being pulled from Lippman's and resurfacing at Berbati's, here is an informative clip.

I am glad to hear that my two favorite things, Halloween and FMA, are getting together, in a raucous explosion of candy, masks, and pedophiles, all at Berbati's Pan this year! I might explode.

Family Reunions!

After many years of searching, Echo and the Bunnymen's family found them in a Sunday supplement ad from Camera World, although the dog was unfortunately cropped. Yes, just like Pete DeFrietas. I'm so glad to see everyone back together.

Long Shot Louie

If anyone has tickets for the magnificent Reggie Watts for his TBA show on Sept 6th, and would rather attend on the 7th, write me here and let's swap- Patton Oswalt is performing here on that date at the Crystal Ballroom, with the FANTASTICALLY HILARIOUS Kyle Kinane, and I feel torn asunder, just as if rabid wolverines were tearing me apart. True, I could clone myself, but my clone wouldn't even be BORN by then, let alone be able to enjoy the textured improvised music of Reggie Watts or the Dungeon-Master rantings of fellow French Bulldog owner Patton Oswalt.

Postscript: If you live in Portland and are not going to one of these shows tonight, you're wasting your life. That's all. Wastin' it.

Postpostscript: It was a tough choice and I made it. I hear that Kyle, Patton, and local emcee Tristian Spillman were hilarious, but Reggie was a magnetic, deeply funny, show. Highly recommend anyone to check him out if they get the chance!

Famously Cheap

My family is very, very, deeply cheap. No, we're not Jewish, we're just trashy, too-many-kids Irish. Growing up, I thought Target was a fancy department store. My mother used to buy our toys pre-broken at yard sales, to save us the trouble of breaking them, and she has never owned a wristwatch worth more than ten dollars. Whenever it was back-to-school time, my dad would peel off a fresh $20 bill and say- knock yourself out. My father's wedding gift to me was a box set of CD's that he had burned for me.
My baby sister Emily is finally making it all pay off on her No Trust Fund blog, and now has an article in USA Today about living on freebies. If only my mother would pony up for high-speed internet, she'd be so proud!

POSTSCRIPT: My mother has announced that she has signed onto highspeed and has resumed her monitoring of badinia.com, and that I should stop making fun of her, and also that I should stop talking so dirty.

Nobody Knows The Trouble I've Seen

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I was on an Oregon Coast road trip with legendary Dallas, TX dance instructor Elaine "Twinkle Toes" Hewlett and started circling places I'd done comedy on the roadmap, so I thought, maybe that would be enjoyable here, too! You can click on each destination for details.

Kumoricomedy!

Kumoricon is an annual convention dedicated to Japanese anime, and features three days of cosplay, video rooms, exhibitors, panels, video games, manga, and bizarre fan creations. We went as Leigh Bowery, who is not from anime, but we got our pictures taken a lot anyhow.

My friend Pete had a special DDR game with 13 songs from his label, Diskowarp, at table 17. Hundreds of barefooted people and one guy in a Furry outfit jumped on my DDR pads, which now must be bleached, and the surrounding booths heard the song "Oh Oh Oh Sexy Vampire" one thousand times.

If extreme dedication, shut-ins in leotards, or nerdiness make you sad, you shouldn’t come to this kind of event -but the DIY costumes, and the clashing of cultures really is something to see: I saw a hundred Links, a couple Howls, one Old Gregg, and dozens and dozens of beautiful Gothic Lolitas. These kids are all communicating with a visual code that I can't understand, but for damn sure they don't want to talk to you. Many of them can't make eye contact, but oddly they will ask for hugs.

Anime nerds in their natural habitat, in the park across from the mall.

How to annoy nerds: Yell at them "We're readin' MAGAZINES!" and take their picture without asking. How to excite them: Yell "Matt Damon!"