Love is a Frog From Hell

Happy Leap Day from me and my new best friend, Beelzebufo, the ten-pound fossil frog that ate baby dinosaurs. Enjoy this extra 24 hours tacked onto your existence. Whatever you do, don't fall into a reverie about how short life is, and how you wasted a lot of it watching movies where Will Ferrell pretends to be good at a sport.

Portland Love Letter

Look, everybody! Spring's coming! I took this picture on my bike ride this morning- oh, I can almost hear the cheery chirp of the robin, the lazy drawl of emo kids looking for heroin, the relieved sighs of idle suicide hotline volunteers playing pinochle! It's all going to be OK!

Sleevedog!

Here is my first addition to the Sleeveface project on Flickr- Hazel has always loved the Damned, and is part pig anyway. For those unfamiliar, this is a project where people pose with vinyl record sleeves in a way that completes the image. Here are a few of my favorites:















If you haven't seen the rest of the Sleeveface pool, it's pretty incredible. Look here!

Sons and Daughters, C.C. Slaughter's

If you couldn't join me Friday night, here's what happened. A good time was had by most! Bolivia says she'll have us back soon!

Tonight! Tonight! Tonight!

Tonight, Feb 15th at 9, I will be battling Miss Veronica Heath for the title of Portland's Comedy Fag-hag... No cover! Also performing are improvisational inspirational speaker Aaron Ross, Madame Jesse Alison, and local wackadoo Don Frost.

And Sunday the 17th, I'll be at The Black Forest in Eugene at 9PM with host Chris Castles, and Man Show writer Andy Andrist, who is being filmed for a documentary called The Unbookables...
Umm..I should remark, based on...comments...that I can't take credit for the Comic Sans-using flyer above. Don't shoot the poster.

Happy Birthday Mister E!

It's my hero, Eddie Izzard's, 46th birthday today, shown above with a very sensual pot noodle instant soup. Someday, I hope that I'll be mildly famous, for the sole reason that if someone asks me why I got into comedy, I can say "So I could meet Eddie Izzard", and that he would read it and we would meet, and he could see what a special girl I really am, and we could get married and live in a small house in Dalston, which if I say it now, just sounds stupid.
Mr. Izzard says that the way to learn comedy is to do it a thousand times, and I reckon I've got 150 down, and a mere 850 to go, before I'm any good. I'm working on it. Slowly.
As a special gift for Eddie's birthday, here is an Izzard-themed crossword from the Washington Post- download the PDF here!

Laughing in the Face of Censorship

I wasn't really censored, I knew when Comcast taped this set that they wanted a PG set to put on cable, and I thought I gave them one, but they bleeped me for "Titty". I did not get bleeped for "breast." Well, I did my best. Thanks to them for putting the camera in the corner and telling me to play to the audience, I love my clownish profile. See it on Youtube before it's on Comcast on Demand!

The Weirdest Argument I Have Ever Had

I had an all-day meeting at my soulless corporate job, and it was determined that we only needed a fifteen minute break for lunch, since it was catered. Now, we have a great food service at work, and the cafeteria always has delicious vegan options, and I was kinda dismayed to find that in the meeting I had my choice of sammiches: turkey, chicken, and salmon. I ran out to grab some food, and said sweetly to the organizer, it would have been nice to get a vegetarian option up in this piece, and she said, oh, you're vegetarian? You can eat the fish. I have a lot of vegetarian friends, and they all eat fish.

Thank you for telling me that. I have only been vegetarian for TWENTY MOTHERF*CKING YEARS, vegan for six, and I am so INTERESTED to know that I can eat fish.

But really, it's my fault. People used to give me the "I'm vegetarian, but I still eat fish" business, and I would argue with them that they just didn't care to eat chicken or beefs, but after repeated ridiculous conversations, black eyes, and hurt feelings, I gave up. I gave up, and through years of misuse, the word has lost its original meaning and understood implication, which is that I don't eat animals. It would be like saying, oh, I'm Christian, but I judge other people and try to pervert the laws to hurt people who don't agree with me.

Well, maybe I can think of a better example later.

Apologies to my loved ones for a distinctly bloggy entry. I'm just angry! And hongry!