The Dutch Treats are Coming!

Many many years ago, an "afflicted" young man picked up a guitar and threw it on the floor while muttering something about Webster's Emmanuel Lewis. Thus, the Dutch Treats were born. The Dutch Treats achieved legendary underground status in their twin hometowns of Denton and Dallas, Texas since first "playing out" in 1990, and later took Brooklyn, NY by storm, filling the storm drains with absurd rockin' goodness until it flowed out into the streets.

Seventeen years of songs about Chewbacca, Men at Work's Colin Hay, underage crack whores, dwarves, elves, and wizards later, they are debuting in Portland at the revival of the Hive gothnight at Plan B on Sunday, September 2. There are rumors that I'll be doing some spooky standup, and DJ's Retrograde and Retrovirus will be making an appearance, but the thing to see is definitely the Treats. Wouldn't you like to get to know them better?

And here's the world-famous video for the Dutch Treats song, Close Your Robe. It's been banned in fifteen countries, and all of Scandinavia. Come enjoy the music of the man who taught us that bacon+Dr. Pepper=ROCK.

Here's John Freeman's website, and his list of 1036 Band Names .

Postscript: What can be said about the event of the century? If you can't put your finger on what made it so special, go to Wikipedia and cross-reference "annoyed bike messengers who thought they had booked the room for a party" with "confused, overheated goths" and "drinking adventure!"
Johnny Murder, consummate professional, played a great set for his fans.

Laff Traxx

I'm mostly posting this for my mother's benefit, who should know that I don't talk this dirty most of the time.

The *Other* Vancouver!

Goodness gracious, I have an odd assortment of gigs and appearances coming up.

TUESDAY, August 21st: I will be doing two long sets of hi-larity at LAFF TRAXX, a monthly comedy/music night at the Dunes at 1909 NE MLK, Portland's finest underground speakeasy. It starts at 10 and there is a $3 cover, but resident performers Rush n Disco and DJ Solomon promise a hipsterly good time! Please come if you are in the neighborhood and don't like sleeping! Postscript: I never thought I'd laugh so hard at a handless lesbian puppet.

THURSDAY, August 23rd: I am emceeing a comedy night at Club Eclipse in Vancouver, WA with feature act Eric Severson and fantastic headliner Susan Rice! If you have been feeling like you get lost in the crowd when you come out to see me, THIS IS THE NIGHT to attend - this is the last comedy night at this club! They've been terrible, evidently! Please come out- show starts at 9 at 10311 NE HWY 99 in the 'Couve- take 1-5 to 99, (exit 5), and head North on 99 and look for the club on the right!

SUNDAY, Sept. 2nd: I'm so excited to be part of the rebirth of Hive in Southeast Portland, at the new Plan B club at SE 8th and Main! I will be doing comedy *and* DJ'ing, because I am versatile. There are going to be LOTS of exciting acts performing, featuring the historic, hysterical: Dallas' own Dutch Treats! Nobody has to go to work on Monday, so I expect to see you there at 9!

Fantastic Flyer!

Please note that the bologna used is vegetarian Bolo-no. I should also point out that this flyer was generated by DJ Solomon, and all excellence is his doing.

48 Hours With Eddies

Eddie looks up an angel's drawers

I am happy to report I got to see my hero, Eddie Izzard, do a show in Seattle last weekend. I was surprised that the ever-helpful Seattle Stranger curiously promoted the (sold-out) show as being titled "Work in Progress", as it actually was a work in progress. No merch, no tour, no makeup or Uma Thurman breasts (which Wikipedia claims his Sexie rack was modeled from). This set had ramblings about history, language, war, 300, sharks, Wikipedia, Alien, and a fly that hit him in the face onstage. If it sounds like established Eddie, it is, but with new directions, ideas and punchlines, and further honing of his own Eddie-ness. He got a little upset at the PNW tendency of the crowd to scream "WHOO!" at random times, stemming his flow, but I hope that he understood on some level that we are just so filled with love for him that it occasionally escapes our bodies with a high-pitched "woo" noise. I was so excited that I didn't have to fly to El Lay to see one of these, I didn't mind driving from Portland and back in 24 hours.

I had to get back to town to do a comedy workshop with the guy who books for Letterman, veteran comedy scenester Eddie Brill. It was super-great and educational, and he told me about visiting a comedy club that Eddie Izzard ran in London, which may be called Screaming Blue Murder, and I didn't know ever existed. After spending the day working on my act with him, I now feel free to drop his name at every opportunity. Example: "Well, as my good personal friend Eddie Brill, Letterman's comedy booker, says: I'd love a Grande Soy Latte."

Thanks to Tara for the fantastic pictures.

Sexie Motherfucker

Self-Aggrandizing Web Quiz Results

Your Score: the Wit

(90% dark, 19% spontaneous, 0% vulgar)

your humor style:
CLEAN COMPLEX DARK

You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you're probably an intellectual, but don't take that to mean pretentious. You realize 'dumb' can be witty--after all isn't that the Simpsons' philosophy?--but rudeness for its own sake, 'gross-out' humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat.

I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer.

Your sense of humor takes the most thought to appreciate, but it's also the best, in my opinion.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Woody Allen - Ricky Gervais




The 3-Variable Funny Test!
- it rules -

Link:The 3 Variable Funny Test I also thought some of my (comic) friends would like to see where they rate on the cube.

Finally! Motherhood!

It was just like everyone said. After waiting for an eternity, when I finally saw her, I realized she was so much prettier than any of the others I'd seen. She surprised me with how big she was, and how healthy, and how beautiful, and I was so proud that I'd made her myself. I picked her up and cradled her and washed her and took her first pictures. And then I ate her, and that was good too.

At the Crystal, no longer On the Crystal

I got to see one of my favorite people at the Crystal Ballroom last night. He made a Depeche Mode joke, got one of his fans onstage to do part of a song, and wore every jeweled brooch available in the Pacific Northwest. He claims to love Portland as much as we love him. Answers to unasked questions:

Q. Who is winning in the Rufus fanbase, gay men or poetry-writing teenaged girls?
A. Do you want that answer based on individual number or combined weight?

Q. Who is slightly more gay than Rufus Wainwright?
A. Rufus Wainwright dressed as Judy Garland.

Q. What will a line of people waiting to get into the Crystal Ballroom steadfastly refuse to chant?
A. "The Roof! The Roof! The Rufus on Fire!"

Anyway, it was wonderful and very theatrical. Another musician's son opened, his name was Lemon or Lenin or something. He did one song that sounded like the Muppet Show hit, The Rainbow Connection. What's he trying to do, out-gay Rufus? I don't think so, brother.

Oh! Wikipedia claims that Rufus is a descendant of Dutch colonist Peter Stuyvesant, and according to my family, so am I. O cousin Rufus!

Postscript: A handsome gentleman let me know that after the show let out at one ayem, Rufus serenaded the late-night crowd at Silverado with karaoke until closing time. I wish I had the energy of young people!