Convergence Playlist 2

In which someone makes me switch out a working sound system for a non-working one for no reason, and an hour passes in a blur of crinoline and liquor. How can I still be hungover?

DJ Retrogade and Retrovirus: Convergence Playlist 1

One hour of nonstop action, and a signoff dedication to the evil Dr. Bennington and the patient and genteel Nurse Whatley. And now, pictures of me in a skull face and a bustle.

I'm a pretty...dolly?Little dogs specifically do not like wearing tiny hats, although they are perfectly suited to one another.

Convergence 13

OK, be fair: It's really not as bad as this. But it's not that much better, either. Today I saw a magic recipe of top hat/frock coat/mourning trousers/WHITE SNEAKERS, and I had to wonder what's going on in the world.

For example: here is the last doomed child soldier of WWII. No-one has told him that the war is over, or that he is seventy years old and long-dead.
The lovely Kat deflected my admiration of her costume, claiming that it was just the dress she cleans the toilets in. Her website is beautiful and amusing as well.






The quality of the gentlemen at the event is disputable.









But then, the women have questionable judgement.







It's a fair question- why get dressed for an hour to go someplace and stand around in the dark? And did you know that the slang for goths in Mexico is "Darks?" It's kinder than my favorite euphemism, "Dark Dorks".


On the good side, we did get to see an amazing acrobatic troupe called Kazum.


And here's the backside view, which is also pleasant.



The man on the left is part general,
part bird.

This man on the right was imprisoned for five years, but spent his time writing his diary on a dinner jacket.

Two days in, questions still abound: Why are giant platform boots still necessary? Are big girls in corsets really fooling anyone? Why did Nivek Ogre perform entirely behind a scrim? Are the rumors true that it was really Clay Aiken filling in for the lead singer of Skinny Puppy?

I love you, Clay Aiken.

Everything that Rises Must Go To Convergence

DJ's Retrograde and Retrovirus have received their DJ slots for Gothic Convergence 13:

Thursday, May 24th: The Fez: 8-9
Monday, May 28th: The Fez: 8-9

There are a lot of good things about playing the opening slots on weeknights. You get to deal with any technical difficulties with the setup yourself. You don't have to stay up too late. You don't have to worry about overcrowding on the dance floor. You can be sure that no-one else has played the "I'm Dead, I'm Dead" song. On the other hand, getting in a car with a face fulla clown white in the cruel, truthful sunlight is always a time for soul-searching and remorse.

I hope any spooky early birds will come visit us at the Fez, opening and closing the convention! We'll be serving up a delicious selection of little-heard deathrock, post-punk, and new-wave songs to nostalgically transport listeners to a time before they were born. See the whole event schedule here.

Postscript: It was a ton of fun, by which I mean it was a most dark and magickal time nestling in the bosom of my velvet-clad mistress, and I'll have the playlist up later.

Adventures in the Little Apple- Manzanita!

Every dog dreams of the day she'll ride in a Volvo to the beach at Manzanita.

Chico Jones can't wait!

Sometimes, a small French bulldog takes time to reflect on the beauty and impermanence of life and its shifting, ever-changing sands. Also, they like to examine dead crabs and birds on the beach.

A beautiful, mystical morning on the Oregon coast! Moments after this, a ghost pirate ship sailed by.

We are tired now.

Early Bird Special May 16th!

MORE GOOD NEWS!

Wednesday's edition of the Stephen Colbert Amateur Comedy Competition, which will cut 2 finalists from the final 5, starts at Dante's at the hilarious hour of 7:30 PM!

It's a GOOD thing! Parking's easy! Drinks are cheap! You'll be home in time to see who's voted off on popular television shows! Please come out!

It's a GOOD life!

Postscript: The reshuffled ranking is now-

1. Nathan Brannon

2. Virginia Jones/Richard Bain (tie)

3. Veronica Heath

4. Tim Cornett

The promoters decided not to cut anyone, and also that the finals will take place during the first week of June at Walter Mitty's in becautiful Lake Oswego, Oregon. It'll only be my third trip to Lake O, and I'm already wondering if I should pack summer-weight clothing?

They're Trying To Drive Me Mad!

I try to maintain a certain level of positivity on this page, so the tack I am taking on repeated changes to Stephen Colbert's Amateur Comedy Contest is:

Good news! If you were concerned that you would not be able to attend the final cut and showcase for this performance, today I have received word that the Dante's show on the 16th at 7:30 will only cut two comics, and the FINAL FINAL FINAL show between the final three will occur EDIT the first week of June at a venue to be named later! Oh my, this is the hardest I've ever worked to not win something, ever! The sets are getting tighter, the comedy's getting sharper, these shows are a lot of fun, and also there's always the possibility someone will throw up from nerves. Please come.

If you didn't make it to Grand Theft Pizza Party at Ash Street last night, you can listen to how fun it was here. You've gotta check this show out next month, June 20, back at Ash Street- It's a really fun variety of things, with stand-up, sketch comedy, and movies. Hooray!

A nice feature last night was that I got to meet the man behind the mask of the Famous Mysterious Actor- when I shook his hand and heard the voice that reminds me to fear skele-tons and not to trust ninjas, I felt like I was meeting comedy Batman, but without the crime-fighting accessory belt.

News of the Day

For those of you following along in the high-pressure, nail-biting twists and turn events of the Stephen Colbert Amateur Comedy Competition, last night's results from Suki's are in, and I'm still the fourth-funniest in Portland.

1. Veronica "Don't Need No Stinking Mike" Heath

2. Richard Bain

3. Nathan Brannon

4. Virginia Jones?

5. Tim Cornett

Here's my set from last night!

I Can't Bear It.

I made these bear heads today for a super-secret rock project. If anyone ever says to you "who can make bear heads?," I can. I don't mean to make you feel bad. No, we're not Furries. Feel free to send your bad ursine puns.

This Week In Comedy!

The final competition for the Stephen Colbert Portland Amateur Comedy Competition starts at 9PM tomorrow at Suki's, at SW 4th and Carruthers. Please come watch the last 6 comics compete and make a lotta noise!

The next elimination round of finals are now slated for Dante's, on Wednesday, May 16th, and if I survive that, we will move to the final deathmatch EDIT during the first week of June- Watch me bring the pain!

This Wednesday the 9th, come see a GREAT comedy variety show at Ash Street Saloon at 9PM- Grand Theft Pizza Party! See sets by Bobby Hacker, Holli Pappan, Virginia Jones and the PNW's legendary Dwight Slade, short videos, and sketch comedy from THEM, featuring the former cast of the Famous Mysterious Actor show- Also, we'll get a visit from world-renowned motivational speaker Ed Foreman!

I got an email saying that I would be charged a nickel for every exclamation point I use in promotions, so I'm on my way to the poorhouse. Yay!

Finalist!

Out of all the talented puppies that have been in in this competition, your humble narrator was thrilled to make the finals last night at Comedy Club Westside! The top six participants are Richard Bain, Tim Cornett, Veronica Heath (go b*tches!), myself and Nathan Brannon (tie), and Joe Woods.

If you'd like to attend the action-packed competition next week, we will be at Suki's next Tuesday at nine, (edit) the next cut is at Dante's on 5/16 at the ungodly hour of 7:30, and the final showdown is at BARRACUDA's on the 21st for the final showdown and judging.

The pressure's off, as far as I'm concerned, because I consider one of my competitors unbeatable- but I'm a finalist, and no-one can take that away from me!

Which is not the same saying that I don't want your love, support, and attendance.

Comedy Contest Keeps Rolling!

I don't have a relevant picture, but here are some cute Harajuku girlfriends. If you have live in Portland and enjoy fun, please come cheer for me Tuesday at Suki's, at SW 4th and Carruthers, 9 PM, no cover, or at Comedy Club Westside at 8775 SW Canyon Road Wednesday night, 9 PM, $5 - things are heating up in this contest, and I could sure use your support! Wednesday night will see 10 comics whittled down to five, reality relevision style.

Postscript: After last night's set, (here!) I am in the number 5 spot out of 9 remaining comics. If I can stay in the top five one more night, I'll be in the finals, and I'll bake cookies to celebrate, and the other four comics will suddenly come down with Ptomaine poisoning!